


Chasing Dreams

by Komatsu



Series: Wishful [2]
Category: Bravely Default (Video Game) & Related Fandoms
Genre: F/M, Masturbation, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Harm, Sexual Content, Threesome - F/M/M, cameos and the like, other characters make their appearance, prostitution mentions, the relationship tag will be secret, tiz and agnes are married in this one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:53:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 42,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24560359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Komatsu/pseuds/Komatsu
Summary: A sequel toWhat You Wish For.Alternis Dim is done. D o n e. The past few years have felt like a fever dream, complete with nightmares and spots of lucid hope. He wants to move on with his life and return to some semblance of normality, but Edea Lee and her newly married husband Ringabel have other ideas.
Relationships: Alternis Dim/Edea Lee/Ringabel, Edea Lee/Ringabel
Series: Wishful [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1775197
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	1. wedding days

**Author's Note:**

> You will need to have read [What You Wish For](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22027531) for this fic to make sense.

“I now pronounce you a newly married couple,” the cleric said to the gathered guests of Edea Lee and Alternis ‘Ringabel’ Dim’s wedding early one afternoon in July. “You may kiss each other.”

Alternis sat in the front row, holding his and Edea’s daughter on his knees as Edea kissed her new husband, cradling Ringabel’s face in her hands. Around him, guests clapped politely. Mahzer was wiping her face, and Braev clutched his wife’s arm tightly, his own eyes bright with pride. The bride and groom’s four closest friends, who had acted as witnesses and attendants, were clapping as well. He didn’t join in the applause, not least because his hands were full with making sure that Annette didn’t tumble off his lap, the girl gleefully clapping along with the others, pleased with the noise.

Edea made a beautiful bride, her hair curled about her face and pinned under the veil that floated down her shoulders. The bright red wedding dress was perhaps not very traditional, but it was very _her_ , and paired nicely with the cloak that she wore, embroidered with the Eternian crest. Ringabel was not a very traditional man either, dressed in bright blue and white, his hazel eyes shining with tears as he kissed his wife back, his hands tight at her waist.

Alternis wanted to gag. Not only at the injustice that the woman he loved was marrying another, but at how sappy Ringabel had been looking all ceremony. At least he’d been talked out of his usual pompadour hairstyle for something much more appropriate for the occasion. Alternis could be proud of that. Edea owed him one.

Still, there was a heavy ache in his chest as he and the rest of the family followed the wedding party out of the hall in which the ceremony had taken place. It hurt. A part of him had always held out hope that Edea might come to her senses and dump Ringabel, declare herself in love with him instead, and then insist that he take his place at the altar. It was a foolish fantasy, one he had toyed with for the months of planning, knowing that it could never be true but _hoping_ that for once, just once in his life, he might be able to have a happy ending.

And yet, despite those foolish hopes…

As planned, he had escorted Ringabel to the altar, the two men arm in arm, and Alternis carrying Annette against his hip. Many of those in attendance seemed to think it _so sweet_ that he was giving his ‘twin brother’ away at his wedding, and Alternis had been more than a little embarrassed at the whispers and giggles of the guests around him, especially as he and Annette wore outfits that matched the groom’s, though the high collar on his jacket didn’t quite obscure the jagged scar that ran up his neck and jaw. Once Ringabel’s hand had been placed into his bride’s, Alternis had taken his place in the front row for family, intent on distracting both himself and the girl long enough to get through the ceremony. He was sure the vows were beautiful and lovely, but he didn’t want to hear them.

Even if he had accepted the marriage, he didn’t have to accept all the tiny personal details that reminded him of what he’d never had.

“You both did very well,” Mahzer whispered to him, leaning over to kiss his cheek. She held out her hands for her granddaughter, who reached out in turn, and Alternis passed her over, smiling as they hugged. Annette had been hard to distract during the long, boring ceremony, but overall well-behaved. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m alright, I suppose,” he replied. He’d been talking to Dr. Gannon about the wedding for months now, and had been given as many resources as possible to cope as the date grew closer. Despite all his progress, he had been encouraged to be honest about how much it hurt him, and the doctor was determined that help him get through it, for Edea and his sakes. Though he didn’t see it as the end of his world as he once had, needing to be _present_ for it was another, more delicate matter. “I’m happy for her. Happy for them both.”

That he could say with sincerity. It didn’t even feed into the ache in his chest.

Ringabel and Edea had been nothing but supportive to him over the past few months. At times, it had even seemed smothering, even if he knew their kindness came from a place of concern. They had tried not to talk about their plans in front of him, though as the groom’s “brother”, he had to know of some of the scheduling, such as what time they wanted to start the ceremony, what they would do at the reception and dinner, and so-on. Instead, they had spent many hours with him and Annette as a family, comfortably wiling away the hours until he found himself growing used to their presence. He’d begun to look forward to those times. He had almost thought himself over his bitterness, but having to be at the wedding and witness their union was making his unhappiness flare up, and he now he just felt… tired. He was ready for this to over so that they could back to how things had been before this day, without his pain, past and present, being displayed.

For now, everyone was slowly making their way to the room where dinner would be served. The family and wedding party would be announced in just before the bride and groom, who were taking a few moments to themselves. They were probably getting all gross and kissy, Alternis thought with distaste. Couldn’t they wait until tonight?

“Hi, Alternis,” Tiz Arrior greeted him. He was wearing a shade of blue to match Ringabel’s outfit, and it looked good on him. Alternis nodded his greetings in reply. The Arriors had come into town the previous week, and though they’d had dinner together, he had yet to spend any meaningful time with any of them. “You seem like you’re doing well.”

Alternis felt his face flush. Part of the reason he’d avoided Edea’s friends was because he knew that they knew about the reason behind his hospitalization – Edea had told him long ago that she’d vented to them in her anger and grief. He’d found it hard to face them. “I’m…” ‘Fine’ had been the word about to come out of his mouth, an instinctual reply. He stopped, swallowed, and then corrected himself. “I’m doing as well as I can be.”

Tiz nodded. “Right. We’re glad you could be here, though. It wouldn’t be the same without you.”

Beside him, his wife was holding their infant daughter Olivia, a girl only two months older than Annette. She was every bit an Arrior, with wild brown hair and curious brown eyes. Alternis knew that the two girls had been playing together during the past week, though he hadn’t been there to see much of it, and hoped that they were becoming fast friends as their mothers had been.

Agnès nodded her agreement. “We’re so very happy you could be here! It’s been so long since I’ve had a chance to see you. Not since our time in Caldis.”

The smile that he gave her was sincere and warm. She had always been very kind to him. “You seem like you’ve been doing very well since then.” Edea had been over the moon over how Agnès had shed the Oblige name for the Arrior one, proposing to Tiz, and even he had been impressed with her for doing it. “And rather busy, I must add.” Their two oldest children were barely more than toddlers, and last he had seen them they had been clutching at the legs of Egil, who had been given the task of corralling them.

Most of the guests at the wedding were from Edea’s side. The council members and their family, noblemen and women, Edea’s old classmates, and members of the Ducal guard she had grown close to. Ringabel’s guest list had been much smaller in comparison, though Ringabel had joked that it wouldn’t be right to invite all of his ex-girlfriends, even it might make things a bit more even. His guests included the people they had travelled with, such as the Grandship crew, and Egil and Karl from Caldis. Alternis had felt a spike of guilt upon seeing the elderly gentleman, remembering how the man’s son had fallen due to his actions. He already had a feeling he’d be confessing that particular fact to Gannon the next time he saw him.

Agnès giggled. “You have been busy as well!”

Annette was waving at Olivia, who was waving energetically back, trying to squirm out of her mother’s arms to play. Alternis watched the two girls, a pulse in his chest at the woman’s words. She knew… didn’t she? He imagined that all of Edea’s closest friends knew now. Magnolia had even commented that she’d ‘thought as much’.

“We’re all getting older,” Tiz commented, taking Olivia from Agnès and bouncing her slightly to settle her, shushing her gently. “It’s just a matter of time, right Yew?”

Yew made a face. “Don’t remind me, sir. The first thing that Sir Nikolai is going to ask when we return is if Magnolia and I have finally decided to expand the Geneologia line.” He tugged at the collar of his jacket nervously.

Magnolia laughed. “We’re leaving it up to fate,” she replied for him, batting his hands aside and fixing the collar for him. In the room nearby, the sounds of the guests settling could be heard.

“What are you all standing around for?”

They turned at Edea’s voice. She and Ringabel had come out of the meeting room they had been in, the cleric behind them. She was flushed with joy, her eyes shining as she walked over to them, looping her arms through Agnès’s and Alternis’s both.

“It’s time to eat!”

They were announced into the dinner hall in turn, both members of the family and the wedding party, followed lastly by the new bride and groom, who stepped in to thunderous applause. Alternis sat very close to their table, with Annette seated on a booster chair between himself and Mahzer. Two people were needed to keep an eye on her as she was fed, to ensure she didn’t get too much food on her pretty dress. He found the distraction of caring for her welcome; people kept coming up to the newly married couple to congratulate them, and snippets of conversations floated over to him. Words such as ‘fated’, ‘perfect match’, ‘love at first sight’… it wasn’t _fair_ , he thought miserably before banishing the thought from his brain.

What wasn’t _fair_ was his un-ending love for Edea, a love he was trying and failing to rid himself of. She had found someone who made her happy, and that alone meant that he should be happy… right? _‘It’s not that easy_ ’, a voice that sounded like Dr. Gannon said in his mind as he took a few moments to eat his steak as Mahzer watched Annette drink from a sippy cup. _‘You’re allowed to feel upset. It’s what you do with those feelings that is important’._

What he would do with those feelings? Ignoring them and bottling them up wasn’t an option anymore – he had done that once and it had nearly killed him. No, he had long since found a better way to process them, a way to channel them into something more productive.

“Annette,” he said a minute later as the girl tossed her sippy cup to the ground. He’d managed to catch it, only barely. “You know how to be a good girl. Behave for Mommy and Daddy.”

“Dada,” she argued back, voice rising. “No!”

“Annette,” Mahzer chided. “Quiet voice.”

‘No’ was beginning to become the girl’s favorite word. He sighed, putting the sippy cup back into her hands and leaning over to kiss her cheek. She grimaced and squirmed and shoved the cup away. Where had his adorable girl gone?

“I’ll take her if you need a break,” Edea said from behind them. He looked up at her as she scooted around Mahzer’s chair.

“Hi Mama!” Annette said in reply, raising her arms.

“She’s all yours,” Alternis replied, smiling as he unbuckled her from the booster seat so that Edea could lift her.

Edea and Ringabel would be taking a week away from Eternia to return to Caldis with the Arriors, where they planned to spend their honeymoon in the capital city. Annette would not be going with them, and neither would Alternis, as he was staying behind to keep an eye on Eternia in the Grand Marshal’s stead. Since that meant he would be working during the day, Annette would be staying with Mahzer and Braev. It was going to be the longest time she was apart from her parents, and though Alternis knew he could visit her anytime he wanted during the evening and weekend, he was already dreading the loneliness of his suite without his extended family. Without the warmth of their constant presence.

Edea lifted Annette up and she looked a perfect image of motherhood, her daughter clinging to her wedding dress. When Edea made her way back to her new husband to sit down and continue eating, they looked like a family. Alternis closed his eyes. They _were_ a family to most of their guests, after all. He knew this.

Mahzer placed her hand on his, and he glanced over to see her smiling at him. “They’ll be back before you know it. Can you wait for them?”

His face heated up. “I …”

“Didn’t Edea offer to let you join them on their trip?” Braev asked from Mahzer’s other side. “You and Annette can still go with her if you’d like. Ilina and Robinee will be fine by themselves for a week.”

“That’s quite alright,” Alternis replied. Yes, Edea had floated the idea of them going with her and Ringabel on their honeymoon, an idea that he had quickly squashed. He could bear their affections toward one another, but not when they were _newlywed_. He’d just be a third wheel. “I wanted to stay behind, just in case.”

That might be a decision he would regret later, late at night after a few days by himself, but the bitterness was still too heavy in his throat. Her offer had felt like pity. He didn’t want their pity, not after the past few months. It felt too much like going back to how things had been before.

After dinner, during which he managed to force himself to finish everything on his plate, there were toasts. Braev toasted his daughter, praised her as Grand Marshal and a mother, a wife, and a good person who would see Eternia into the future. Tiz Arrior had a speech as well, his words simple but heartfelt, talking of the love that Edea and Ringabel had shown for each other during their journey eight years previous, despite all of the obstacles before them. Agnès had joined in, her words more eloquent as she thanked Ringabel for returning so that everyone could have their happy ending.

Their happy ending…

Alternis stood up, his back straight and his face warming as people looked over at him. He’d written down everything he’d wanted to say, had _memorized_ his speech, practiced in the mirror and with Dr. Gannon, and yet he still fumbled, wishing that he were behind his helmet. What were happy endings? Not for people like him. He bit the inside of his lip to prevent himself from speaking those intrusive thoughts aloud. He’d had to revise his speech several times to leave out the bitterness, and refused to have it bubble back up now.

He was the _Dark Knight_ of Eternia. A simple speech at the wedding of his best friend, sister, and Grand Marshal was nothing compared to what he had been through before. He took a deep breath and reminded himself why he was doing this. For her, for _them._

“Ringabel,” he started, and his ‘brother’ cocked his head at him. “Though you and I were unable to grow up together, in this past year, I feel as though we’ve shared our whole lifetime. And Edea, you are among my earliest memories.

“Together, I feel like I can say I’ve watched you both grow into the people you are today.” He paused, to mentally add ‘ _though Ringabel, you’re beyond strange and I still hate you for it’_. “Together, you are a force to be reckonwned with, and I know that you will flourish even more than you already have. With Edea’s ... _stubbornness_ – “ - there was laughter from those around them - “ – and Ringabel’s _passion_ – “ more laughter “ – you’ll be more than I think the rest of us will be able to handle.”

“Most people already can’t handle us,” Edea teased.

He had expected an interruption at this part. Pushing past his fluster, he continued. “In any case, the two of you deserve one another.” His throat felt tight at those words, and he had to push himself to be heard, though to his own ears it sounded like a whisper. “I wish you happiness, from here on out. Cheers.”

“Cheers!” Echoed those around him, lifting up their glasses.

He sat down, harder than he would have liked, and let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” Mahzer asked of him, her arm winding around his shoulder for a hug. He let her, leaning into her embrace.

“Very nicely done,” Braev added in. Alternis felt the gentle clap of the other man’s hand on his back.

Dinner was finished after that, and everyone made their way to the reception hall for drinks and dancing. It was tradition for the bride and groom to first dance with each other, then with the family member who had given them away. Alternis had tried to beg out of it, for weeks, because while he _had_ been trained in traditional dancing, he was _not_ normally in the business of doing so in front of dozens of people, but Ringabel had begged and pleaded and worn down his will so much that he’d relented, but only if he could escape afterwards, presumably to put Annette to bed.

As it was, the girl was getting grumpy. Alternis distracted himself from Edea and Ringabel’s dance by trying to soothe her, rocking her gently in his arms with Mahzer shushing her. She pressed her face into his shoulder and whimpered.

“She needs to go to bed, doesn’t she?” Edea asked him after her dance with Ringabel had ended. She had come over to fetch Braev, and Ringabel was fetching Alternis. “Do you want to keep her tonight?”

“If I may,” he replied, handing the girl to her grandmother to hold, his heart clenching as she let out a very unhappy wail, burrowing her face into Mahzer’s arms in a fit. “We’ll leave after this, I think.”

Other people would be staying very late for more celebration, drinking, and dancing, all things that Alternis didn’t partake in. He hadn’t had more than a small glass of wine, supervised and at dinner, since before his suicide attempt. He no longer had the taste for it, too afraid of using it as the crutch he once had. And the only dance he had any interest in was the one Ringabel was forcing him into now, the two men sweeping out onto the floor alongside Edea and her father, looking every part the close identical twins that the world knew them as.

“I was worried this might be too much for her, and for you,” Ringabel confessed in a quiet voice as they danced together. Alternis had _insisted_ that if he was being forced to dance, he would at least _lead_.

“For me? Why? You don’t think I can handle a mere wedding?”

“That isn’t it,” Ringabel replied patiently. They’d had this conversation before. “She’s not used to being around so many people for so long, and neither are you, not without the helmet on. Everyone can see your scar.”

Alternis felt his face heat up. “I’m doing fine,” he hissed. People _could_ see his scar, and while the councilmen and women all knew not to mention it, one of Edea’s old classmates had already struck up conversation with him, assuming that he’d gotten it in some military mission, just as they’d gotten a nasty one on their arm. The attention was embarrassing. “It doesn’t help that the jacket collars have gold trim on them. It calls attention to the jaw.”

Ringabel smiled widely, and attempted to twirl Alternis. Startled, Alternis could only allow it, much to the laughter of the people around them. “The gold compliments our eyes! And our daughter’s as well, of course.”

It wouldn’t be right to punch Ringabel in the throat at his own wedding, but it was oh-so-tempting. Alternis took control of the dance once more, scowling. “Are you trying to embarrass me?”

“Trying?” Ringabel asked innocently. “Not at all. It’s too easy.”

“I hate you,” Alternis replied, though there was none of his usual level of venom in his voice.

“You don’t, you know that,” Ringabel said, as the song wound down. Before Alternis could react in any way, he found his face being cradled, and his forehead being kissed by his ‘brother’. Heat flared up his cheeks and ears at the public display and though he tried to jerk away, Ringabel’s hand was firm on the back of his neck as their foreheads touched. “Thank you,” the other man said, his voice so quiet that Alternis almost missed the words through the blood rushing in his face. “For everything. Edea and I love you.”

Alternis did jerk away now, feeling hot and uncomfortable. Behind Ringabel he could see Edea and Braev’s eyes on them, as well as the eyes of many others. Damn that man and his exhibitionist tendencies that Edea had complained about so frequently! Now he knew what she meant.

“T-that,” Alternis stuttered, and was saved from having to answer by Magnolia dragging her husband out to dance to the next song, shouting at Ringabel to stop embarrassing everyone. He gladly stepped to the side to give her more room, limbs tight with the effort of not punching the other man.

Edea and Ringabel once more swept into each other’s embrace, and Braev retreated to the sidelines to sit in a chair, stretching out his bad leg. Others were going out to the dance floor as well, people that Alternis both did and didn’t recognize. Einheria Venus was arm-in-arm with Kikyo Kinoe, Kamiizumi was busy being led about by his adoptive daughter, and … Egil was dancing with the oldest Arrior son standing on his feet, though Alternis didn’t know where the child’s parents were.

“Tiz and Agnès are taking Olivia and Owen to bed,” Mahzer told him when he asked her. Annette was crying heavily now, her little sobs drowned out by the sound the music, laughter, and drinking around them. “They said they’ll try to return, but the children were getting over stimulated.”

“As Annette is,” Alternis said, carefully taking his daughter back into his arms. She was _very_ fussy and very unhappy, her tears soaking into his carefully tailored jacket. He rocked her, kissing the top of her head in an attempt to calm them both down. The tiny pigtails they had styled into her hair were falling out and she had long kicked her shoes off, leaving her in pale blue and white stockings. “I think it’s time she went to sleep as well.” Her cries were beginning to grate, and he _refused_ to lose his temper with her, not least because she was simply too small to know any better. Perhaps he needed a nap, too.

Mahzer nodded. “I’ll let Edea and Ringabel know you left. Goodnight, dear.” She leaned over to kiss his cheek, which he accepted much more gracefully than the kiss from his counterpart.

“Let’s go sleep, sweetheart,” he said to the girl in his arms. As he inched his way out of the crowded room, people moved out of his way, giving sympathetic looks to the fussy toddler that he held. Once out of the reception hall, he could breath, leaning against the wall to reorient himself.

The wedding and reception had taken place in one of the large rooms on the third floor that had once been storage for military supplies. Once they had downsized, the rooms had been repurposed into training and ceremony rooms. Edea had decided to have the wedding here instead of in Eternia, and he was very glad for it now as he made his way to the elevator. Less travel time with a very tired, very unhappy toddler whose cries were only louder now that there wasn’t music around to stifle the sound of them. He hushed her as much as he could, bouncing her in his arms.

Up in his room, he wiped her face clean of tears and snot, then carefully changed her out of the pretty dress Edea had hand-sewn for her, setting it aside to be saved as a memory. In its place went her second favorite pair of pajamas, fluffy and bright with ducks on the front, and he brushed her hair out of the pigtails, his voice forcefully quiet as he tried to calm her down from a tantrum so that she might sleep.

Despite her tiredness though, she only flailed her limbs about when he tried to tuck her into bed, shouting. “No!”

Alternis sighed. “Do you want Daddy to lie down too?” Please say yes, he thought. He was also tired. It was very fortunate that he was well-trained with his Dark Knight powers, because otherwise he was sure that he’d be breaking things right now. She was a child, and a tired one, who simply didn’t know how to process her feelings in ways aside from screaming. He knew better than to lose his temper with her.

“No!”

“Here,” he said, giving her a stuffed bear. Her _favorite_ Chompy was upstairs in Edea’s room, but he had a collection of toys in his room for her, just for these occasions where she slept over. She clutched the animal close for a moment before tossing it to the floor.

“No!”

He calmly picked the toy up and handed it back to her. This time, she threw it against the other side of the bed, and then rolled over toward it angrily, growling. His daughter, through and through. Alternis let her; he needed to change if he was to go to sleep as well. Since she was mobile, though still not very good at walking, any distraction would be welcome.

He changed quickly, shunting his fancy clothes to the floor and tugging on a pair of worn sweatpants, running his hand through his styled hair to loosen it, and returning to the bed to see Annette hunched over the stuffed bear, sobbing. He pulled up the blankets and slipped under them before he picked her up and brought her to his side.

“No no no!”

“Yes yes yes,” he replied, tucking the blanket over and under her form She squirmed and kicked painfully against his thigh, but the warmth of both blanket and father both seemed to be too much for her, and after a few more moments of quiet whining, she settled down, fingers tight on the faux-fur of the stuffed bear. “Go to sleep.”

She was still too young to understand what most of their words meant, but she knew ‘sleep’, and he could feel her limbs get heavy as she began to fall under its elusive spell. Alternis ran his fingers carefully over the top of her head, comforting her as she stretched and then curled up against his side, resting against his shoulder. As her grip on the bear loosened and then relaxed entirely, he pulled the blankets up over her shoulder and rolled over slightly so that his other hand could rest over her side. Like this, she could know that he would always keep her safe.

He _should_ get out of bed to turn off the lights, and to document his feelings of the day in his journal. It was still early for an adult… he didn’t even have to sleep if he wanted to stay awake. He had a book he’d wanted to finish so he could move onto the next novel on the series, and an oil painting to check the drying on so he add another layer, but the long day was catching up with him. He was _exhausted_ , nerves rubbed raw, not least because of his daughter’s tantrum, and it was all he could do to keep his eyes open as he watched for Annette to fall into slumber.

Once she did and his own eyes closed, sleep did not come.

All at once, the day’s events caught up to him, hitting him harder than any physical blow. He bit his lip until he tasted iron, willing everything he had to hide in his sobs, control his trembling as he began to silently cry. Tears rolled down his cheeks, pooling onto his pillow and down into Annette’s hair. He’d have to take care of her bath in the morning, he thought miserably, since Edea was enjoying herself with her new husband… no. He forcibly banished away the resentment. He should be happy that she was happy, yes?

His heart ached. It wasn’t as easy as a thought.

He’d _wanted_ to get better. To _be_ better than the bitterness that threatened to eat him alive. He had Edea’s love in his own way, and a child with her that made his life have meaning. But … that wasn’t what he’d wanted for so long, and though he was moving past that, it was slow progress.

Horrifically slow progress, so slow that there were days when he lapsed into despair. The people surrounding him, least of all Edea and Ringabel themselves, were always there to ensure that he made it through the darkest of his days relatively unscathed, but he knew he couldn’t depend on them forever. Not when they were living their own lives. Not when he should be living his own. It was his life, his feelings, after all.

His responsibility.

He fell asleep eventually, his shattered nerves smoothing, and Alternis woke up to the sunlight streaming into sore eyes, along with a kick to his thigh. Groaning and lifting a hand to block out the sun, he was aware of the tiny weight on his arm. Annette was still asleep, her thumb in her mouth as she huddled close, looking positively cherubic despite the way her limbs flailed. He leaned down to kiss the top of her head, feeling somewhat better for the sleep, before sliding out of bed to get ready for the day. She was going to wake up soon and be needy, and he wanted a few moments of peace to himself. The night before seemed like a distant memory, were it not for the way his eyes _ached_.

Sure enough, a few minutes later Annette stirred fully awake, and she wiggled her way out of the bed, dropping to the floor and toddling over to the bathroom where he was scrubbing his face with cold water to banish the last of his tiredness away. “Dada,” she said, her face crumpling as she clutched his pants leg. “Dada.” At least he’d had time to relieve himself.

“Good morning,” he said, bending down and lifting her easily up in one arm so she could see herself in the mirror. She leaned her head to his shoulder, rubbing her eyes. Her hair was wild, sticking up in all directions, mussed with his tears. “Sleep well?”

She nodded.

Edea and Ringabel would be leaving for Caldis in the morning with the Arriors, which meant that they would likely want to have breakfast with their daughter before the trip. Which meant that Alternis had to get her ready and looking her cutest, giving her a quick bath before changing into her into a simple dress, one of the many changes of clothes of hers that had taken over his closet, and then making himself look presentable before heading up to Edea’s rooms. It took longer than he would have liked, because she wanted to walk herself all the way to the elevator, causing him to pick her up several times to steer her in the right direction, much to the amusement of patrolling soldiers. Eventually though, they made it, and Alternis knocked loudly on Edea’s door. He had a key, however there was no way he was using that the day after her wedding night.

Ringabel answered the door in a dressing gown, the man’s hair disheveled. A passing guard snorted.

“It’s 8 AM,” Ringabel complained, but he stepped aside to let Alternis and Annette enter regardless. “Don’t you sleep in on Sundays?”

“When you have children, sleeping in is a luxury,” Alternis replied, setting Annette down on the floor. From here, he could see into Edea’s bedroom, where a lump was huddled under the blankets. Annette made a beeline for some building blocks set aside in the corner for her, plopping down to play and babbling at them.

Ringabel was rubbing at his worn, pale face, eyes still bleary with sleep. Alternis was _not_ going to think about the two of them staying up late the previous night. No. Anything but that. “I can’t wait until she’s a teenager and will want to sleep in every day.” He passed a mirror and stopped to fix his hair.

“Stupid. Not every teenager does that,” Alternis reminded him. _Alternis_ hadn’t done that as a teenager, as much as he’d been tired during those years, too focused on doing his absolute best so that Braev would be proud of him. He’d nearly burnt himself out by burning the candle at both ends, but the end result had been worth it – a speedy promotion to the Council of Six, and now right-hand man to the Grand Marshal. “Besides…”

Ringabel yawned, waving a hand at him. “If you say something about how I’m just getting old, I’m going to kick you out.”

Ringabel _was_ the older of the two of them, both because he insisted but also by virtue of having traveled between words. Alternis liked to remind him of that, pointing out that it meant he would go gray and get wrinkles sooner. “I didn’t say it this time.”

“You were thinking it.”

Ringabel excused himself to the restroom to freshen up, and while he was in there, Edea woke. Alternis greeted her carefully, his heart racing at the sight of her messy hair, the gown she wore, the flush to her cheeks. She looked so much like she had in those quiet moments they’d had together, all those months ago when he’d been pretending to be another man. The memory made his stomach roil.

“Are you going to come to breakfast, too?” Edea asked him as she sat down in a chair, Annette clambering up to her lap. Edea helped her along, picking her up by the armpits until the girl was settled, leaning her head into her mother’s shoulder. “They wouldn’t mind.”

“I don’t think I will,” he replied. “They’re your friends. Not mine.” And he didn’t like eating in front of people he didn’t know well. Too self-conscious.

The look she gave him was both tired and annoyed. “Alternis, I’ve been awake for five minutes and I’m already tired of your – “

“At least join us for coffee,” Ringabel cut in as he re-entered the room, a comb in hand. “You don’t have to stick around for, nor eat, the meal.” To Edea, he said, with a warning look,” We’ll need to be quick if we’re to leave by noon, dear. You’re still not packed.”

Edea waved a hand. “I know what I’m taking!”

Alternis privately doubted it. That was Edea for you. Always leaving organizing to the very last minute and complaining about it later. But coffee he could do. He’d had coffee with Agnès Oblige several times during their time in Caldis all those years ago, in ! Karl’s inn.

“I’ll join you for coffee,” he decided.

Coffee would be sorely needed. Breakfast consisted of four children under the age of ten, and four harried adults to look after them. Alternis nursed his cup of coffee – black, as always - and let Edea handle Annette.

“You won’t see her for a week,” he reminded Edea, holding his cup in his two, free hands. They had ordered breakfast, but the Arrior kids were more interested in exploring the cafeteria. Annette wanted to join them, having had no exposure to other children her age. She screamed as Edea held her back, a firm grip on the girl’s arm. “Spend this time with her.” He wouldn’t be seeing her much either, of course, but at least he could go to Eternia anytime he wanted. Edea would be an ocean away. Happy.

People were looking. Alternis was going to leave soon.

Edea glared at him. “Don’t pretend like you’re not enjoying this!”

“Do I look like I’m enjoying this?” Alternis asked her, carefully schooling his face into a perfect mask of nonchalance. He’d been practicing lately, so that he could be without his helmet more often without giving away his emotions so openly.

She stuck her tongue out.

“Darling, darling,” Ringabel placated her. He scooped Annette up, causing her to shriek even louder. Following that shriek, she started to laugh, as Ringabel swung her – carefully – in a circle before setting her down on the ground. “Let her play for a bit. We’ll be cooped up with them in an airship for the better part of a day, after all.”

Tiz looked resigned to the same. “As long as you don’t get underfoot,” he called to his oldest. “And watch the little ones!”

“Central Command isn’t really a place for children,” Edea commented. They had their own little area of the cafeteria blocked off, as soldiers were careful to give a wide berth around the children. “I don’t know if it’s good for Annette to grow up here, as you and I did.”

“We didn’t grow up here,” Alternis reminded her, sipping back the last of his coffee. Edea would move, wouldn’t she? She would move her family to Eternia, and for very many good reasons, and he would be left behind in Central Command, as a soldier and servant. “We spent our childhood in Eternia.”

“But our teen years in a fortress. You know what I meant.”

“I’m going to head back,” he told her. The Arriors were talking about breakfast, and Ringabel was telling them what typically could be ordered, which was his cue to leave. He also didn’t want to continue this conversation with her. Not now. He’d lost her love, now her presence in his home? She’d take Annette with her, of course… they would have to work out custody….

But Edea was right. The cold walls of Central Command were no place to raise a child. They both knew that very well.

He stewed on those thoughts for the rest of the day, even after Edea and Ringabel left with the Arriors. Braev and Mahzer, who had stayed overnight in Central Command, packed Annette up with enough clothing and toys to last her for the week, and he saw them off with a distracted wave. Annnette seemed confused, but she was used to Alternis and Edea being gone for the day. Hopefully she would survive a week without them.

“You’ll join us for dinner at least every other night, won’t you?” Mahzer had asked him as she finished bundling Annette up in layers to keep her warm on the trip back to the city.

He would do his best, he’d promised. But he didn’t want to leave Central Command too often, not when the Grand Marshal was already known to be out of the city. Her wedding had been publicized greatly in the coming weeks, and everyone knew about it. There was commerative dinnerware and everything.

Still, he’d fought to be with Annette, hadn’t he? Had nearly died for it. Of course he’d come to see her as often as he could… while he could.

* * *

The week passed quickly, and yet not quickly enough.

He was kept busy, courtesy of being a fill in for Edea’s daily duties. His days were filled with meetings, with pouring over reports, with keeping on top of both the military and intelligence units. He didn’t mind. It helped to keep his mind off more depressing thoughts, such as what he would do once Edea and Ringabel returned, probably acting all lovey-dovey and gross.

At night, he either worked on his own projects or made the trek to Eternia so that he could visit his family.

He’d thought Annette would be used to being without them, but the first day he came over, Tuesday, she seemed so delighted that she began to cry, clinging to his jacket and refusing to let go.

“She’s missed you,” Mahzer said as he tried to soothe the wailing toddler. “She’s been asking for you, Edea, and Ringabel this whole time.”

Guilt stabbed him. When Edea had first told him about her engagement, on that terrible day all those months ago, he had promised to watch over Annette. Circumstances had changed. He had changed. Still, perhaps he could have…

“You need a break now and then as well,” Braev reminded him as Alternis set to wiping Annette’s splotchy face clean of snot and tears. She still refused to let go of him. “All parents do.”

Mahzer agreed, nodding her head. “I remember the first time Nobutsuna offered to watch Edea so that Braev and I could have some hours to ourselves. It was wonderful. Parents need peace sometimes, Alternis. You’re allowed that.”

Some days, it was hard to believe that he was allowed anything that resembled peace. Peace wasn’t for people like him, wasn’t for Dark Knights who had spent their life mired in muck and darkness. And yet, there were other days, like now, when peace came easily.

“There, there,” he soothed his daughter, bouncing her gently. “Daddy’s here. You’re alright, aren’t you?”

She was too little to understand most of what he said, but hopefully she could understand the kiss to her forehead that he gave. Judging by the way her face crumbled as she buried it into his shoulder, she did.

“Give her time,” Mahzer said, smiling as she patted the girl’s shoulder. “She’ll be alright now that you’re here.”

She’d been _clingy_ the rest of the night, and had thrown a terrible tantrum when he’d made to leave, so terrible that he made the decision to sleep over, promising himself that he would wake up early enough to make it back to Central Command in time for morning muster. At least that would mollify her for the night, even if she spent most of it wiggling around in his arms and not sleeping, apparently pleased with herself for convincing him to stay.

Wednesday morning had been _terrible._ He downed two cups of coffee before muster, and another two before lunch. But, he decided, it had been worth it. Worth it to wake up in the morning to Annette snuggling into his embrace, and to give her a kiss goodbye when he left in the morning, even if she had begun to cry at his departure. She rarely cried when Edea left for work, he’d heard. It made him feel a little special.

Edea and Ringabel returned on Saturday, their cheeks rosy with the sunlight from Norende, and likely from other things, he thought privately as he watched Annette scream with delight at her parents returning. He’d spent the night over once more, though this time he’d been free to sleep in, and he’d taken advantage of the relative peace and quiet for once… at least until the other two had returned.

“We bought you a present!” Ringabel said cheerfully, dumping a large gift-wrapped package on Alternis’s lap. “Go on, open it!”

“Open it,” Edea implored him, practically bouncing from where she sat beside him. Annette, in her arms, bounced too, babbling something that he supposed was meant to be agreement.

“I’m opening it,” he replied, with only the barest hint of a smile on his face. Annette reached over to help him, her tiny hands grabbing at the wrapping paper that he carefully pulled off. He let her do so, and she seemed more interested in the paper than in the gift itself, which meant he was free to open up the box without her interfering, and... “What’s this?” he asked.

“What does it look like?” Ringabel asked in return, sounding amused.

It looked like clothes! Alternis went quiet as he pulled out several shirts from within, noting how soft they were. Eternia’s clothes were usually made of wool, to be as warm as possible. Caldisla, being a more temperate climate, used more cotton, especially around the summer months.

“You haven’t updated your wardrobe in years,” Edea complained. “And when Ringabel and I saw these, we thought you might like them.”

They were all dark shades – mostly black, with some navy blue – and were of different designs. Some long-sleeved, some short, others with subtle patterns in the fabric. He held one against his chest.

“Don’t worry, they’ll fit,” said Ringabel. “We made sure of that.”

“Thank you,” Alternis replied, confused. He held one of the shirts against him. “I suppose you bought some too?” Ringabel was a dandy, and had proved that he would not pass up on buying fashion items. His clothes collection rivaled Edea’s.

“Well, a few. But mine aren’t the same. Different colors and styles.” Ringabel laughed. “Though it was tempting, I admit! No, these are yours and yours alone.”

“Thank you,” Alternis said again, feeling touched despite himself. Most of the rest of his wardrobe was outdated, and Ringabel had many similar clothes. Though he often didn’t wear civilian clothing, even now, it would be nice to have something new…

“And for our little girl, we got this,” Ringabel had another present that he handed over for Alternis to hod. “Can you open it, Annette?”

Annette would open it or die trying, apparently. She reached for the paper and grabbed big fistfuls, tugging with all her might. It opened to reveal a small box, which Alternis then had to open for her. Inside was a set of wooden toys. Annette reached for one, and it made a dreadfully loud noise when she began to shake it back and forth, causing her to shriek with joy and the adults around her to jump.

“They were my idea,” Edea said cheerfully.

“That’s going to cause a stir in Central Command,” Mahzer observed, cringing slightly.

“Well, about that…”

Alternis felt his stomach drop. He set the box with the rest of the toys down on the floor outside of her reach, though she wiggled in Mahzer’s grasp to be set down as well.

“Mama! Down!”

“I’ll put those away,” Ringabel said quickly, picking up the box. Annette began to cry as he left the room, leaving Edea to pick her up to console her. Over the girl’s tantrum, she raised her voice to be heard.

“We’re thinking of moving into Eternia.”

“Are you?” Braev asked. “Why?”

“For the same reason you didn’t allow Alternis and I to live in Central Command until we were teens. When Tiz and Agnès were here, she had _so_ much fun playing with Olivia. I want her to be around children her own age. ”

“That does make sense. The fortress isn’t a place to raise a young child.”

“It isn’t, and it could be dangerous for her as she starts getting old enough to really walk. Ringabel keeps her in my rooms, but when she’s four or five… it isn’t fair to her to keep her locked away by herself. She should be able to go on walks outside and play with other children. Her schooling is another thing… we think it’s best that she go to a real school, and not only have tutors,” Edea explained.

“Not that I’m against homeschooling,” Ringabel cut in. “But she’d benefit from socializing. Heaven knows we didn’t get enough of that.”

Most of his socializing had come from the military, Alternis recalled… not really the best environment to make some friends.

“When will you move?”

“Well, we need a house to live in first!” Edea laughed. “And we’ll need one that’s big, so there’s room to grow, but one that can have security for obvious reasons. We’ll have to start looking soon.”

Ringabel looked adoringly at his wife. “We won’t be expanding the family anytime soon, but it’s always good to have the future in mind.” Alternis tried not to roll his eyes and instead turned to play with his daughter’s little hands that were clutching her mother’s top. Annette pouted at him.

So, they _would_ be leaving Central Command. That meant that he and Edea would then have to work out custody, child support, and so on, even though on paper he had no direct ties to the child. He imagined Edea would have full custody in Eternia, and he would have visitation rights with perhaps custody on the weekends and holidays if he was lucky… and of course, when it came to child support, he’d happily give as much as he could, even if Edea would try not to accept it. Already, a large portion of his paycheck went to support orphanages in Eternia, but he could make do with losing a bit more with a bit of budgeting, he was sure.

Lost in his thoughts of budgets and rationing, he didn’t pay attention to the conversation happening around him. In this moment, he didn't care.


	2. traveling haze

It was a month later that he finally built up the courage to talk to Edea about her plans. In that month, she had been vocal about finding a manor in Eternia, in staffing it with butler, maids, and other staff that they might need to live in Eternia. She wanted to have some measure of security, guards that could watch over the manor at night, and there were plenty of soldiers whose families lived in Eternia who volunteered for the position. Ringabel would be enough security during the day, they had decided. A Dark Knight, and a former Planeswarden? Any attacker would have to be foolish to attempt anything.

She’d finally found a good place, a nice sized home with several bedrooms, and room for the family to grow, and had been finalizing plans to move furniture and other belongings into it. It was now or never.

“About Annette’s custody,” he said that fateful day to her in their office. The others had left, leaving him and Edea by themselves. This had been happening more and more often, and it bothered him less each time.

Edea looked over at him from her desk, a piece of paper that she’d been doodling on in front of her. “Custody?”

“Since you’re moving to Eternia,” he clarified. “I was thinking of… of visitation, and child support, and – “

“Oh!” Edea laughed. “Alternis, there’s no custody. You’re her father. You have the same rights that I do.”

Hearing Edea say those words never ceased to make his heart pound pleasantly in his chest. “We won’t be living in the same place anymore,” he reminded her, and didn’t miss the way her head cocked at him. “There has to be some custody arrangement.”

“Oh!”

“Oh?”

“I… forgot,” Edea admitted. “Honestly, I assumed you might move into Eternia with us. You could share the house with us.”

Share… the house with them? He stared at her. “Surely you must be joking, Edea.” She expected him to share a house with her and her newlywed husband, just so that he could have unrestricted access to his child? What did she think of him?

“Why would I be joking? You can live with us, you’ll be able to see Annette anytime you want, and – “

“And I would be subjected to you and Ringabel together as well!” he cut in, his face feeling hot and tight. He was flushing red, he was sure of it, and was even more embarrassed because of it. Without his helmet on, she would be able to see all the emotion on his face. What would she think of it? What did she think of _him_? “You two are newlywed, and you… want me there? To witness it?!”

“Alternis…”

“I’m only - I don’t belong in your household,” he continued, as if she hadn’t interrupted him at all. He was getting truly angry now. “Not with you and your husband. Does your cruelty know no bounds, Edea? You know how I feel about you, and for you to wish that I live with you, knowing that? How dare you!”

Edea looked stricken, and she opened her mouth as though to argue, but anger was fueling him now, good and hot. He stood, his hands slamming down on his desk so that hard that the wood creaked under the force of the below. “I refuse to stand by and continue to be humiliated by you. First you require that I attend your wedding, _say a speech,_ dance with your husband, give up my daughter, and now this? Enough is enough!”

“Alternis, I – “

“Enough is enough,” he repeated, more softly. His bottom lip trembled and his eyes suddenly burned, but he pulled himself together with a sharp inhale. “I can’t do this anymore, Edea. You are my friend, and it’s clear to me that that’s all you wish of me. Please, let’s leave it at that…”

She cut in before he could say anymore. “You’re my friend, yes but – “

“But nothing!” He shouted, and she flinched. “That’s all we are, isn’t it? Please stop making me be witness to your happiness. Stop torturing me. _Leave me alone!”_

He couldn’t stand to be in the room with her anymore, not with the way that she was looking at him, with her eyes wide and mouth agape in what he hoped was horror. He could only hope that she was realizing all that she had been putting him through, even before her wedding.

“Excuse me, Grand Marshal. My apologies, but I must…” Gathering up some papers, not even looking at what they were, he decided now would be a good time to vacate the room, before Edea began to argue back. His temper was already running high, and he didn’t want it to have any more fuel. Not waiting for an answer, he left the room, ignoring the way that she called out after him.

In his room, he could relax. Dropping the papers on his desk, he immediately began pacing. Now that he was removed from the situation, anxiety spiked in his gut. He’d yelled at Edea. Had said some dreadful things to her. Already, he regretted the way he’d spoken to her, but… deep down inside, he didn’t regret what had been said.

A voice that sounded like his therapist reminded him that he was allowed to set boundaries, to talk about his feelings. Perhaps the way he’d gone about it wasn’t the most constructive, but he was only human. Frustration and anger was natural.

Groaning to himself at his loss of control, he threw himself on his bed and buried his face into his pillow, feeling regret churn in his gut. Yelling at Edea had felt good in the moment, telling her how he truly felt made him feel free, and yet… why did he feel so remorseful? The look on her face as he’d told her off… he hadn’t seen an expression like that in a long time, not since she’d been confronted with the truth regarding Annette’s paternity.

Annette… they had yet to solve the issue of how to handle custody of her. Now, he doubted they ever would. Edea could easily deny him access to her, and she’d be right to. His temper…!

She’s not that vindictive, a voice said to him. She’ll do what’s right.

A knock came at the door. “Are you there?” Ringabel’s voice drifted through the wood. “Open up, Alternis!”

For a long moment, Alternis stayed quiet. Of course Edea would send her husband after him. He’d upset her, and now Ringabel would be upset, and they’d probably get in a fight as well, and…

“Alternis!” Ringabel’s voice held a tinge of worry to it as he knocked again. “Answer me!”

 _Oh._ No, Ringabel had likely come for a different reason. Remembering the last time he’d fought with Edea and stormed to his room… Alternis flushed and sat up, hurrying to the door before Ringabel had a mind to break it down again.

“I’m here, I’m here,” he muttered, unlocking it and opening the door. “No need to – ah!”

He’d opened the door, fully intent on telling Ringabel that his worry was unfounded. Instead, he found himself punched right in the jaw, his head spinning at the sudden impact. Stumbling back, he was unable to catch his bearings and found himself falling to the floor, where he stared up at the ceiling, stunned.

“That’s for yelling at my wife,” Ringabel said, looming overhead. Alternis stared at him. “You made her cry, you cad.”

“Ah…”

Then, Ringabel was reaching down to help him sit back up. “And for worrying me. When she told me that you ran to your room after the argument, I thought the worst!”

“I wouldn’t have – I wouldn’t have done anything,” Alternis said weakly. His head pounded, far worse than he could remember in quite some time and his jaw already felt sore. He flexed his hand, wondering if he had the strength to punch Ringabel back. Then again, he deserved the hit, didn’t he? He’d made Edea cry, had made them both worry… he deserved this headache. 

“I know you wouldn’t have, but still, one can never be too sure,” Ringabel replied, sitting back on his heels. “Now, I feel I should hit you again for _what_ was said to Edea.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize to _me_ , it’s Edea who needs to hear those words.”

“I…” Ringabel was right, of course. Alternis needed to apologize to Edea for shouting at her, for all the things that he’d said. And yet, a part of him didn’t want to. He was allowed to have feelings!

Ringabel continued, as though Alternis hadn’t said anything at all. “However, when she told me that what you said, I realized that perhaps you’re right in some ways. Perhaps we’ve been unfair to you…”

Perhaps?? Perhaps the way he’d said it had been all wrong, but his feelings were valid! He’d been humiliated, hurt, and made to feel as though he was little more than an accessory to their love that he had no part in. For Edea to continue to flaunt her happy relationship in his face, knowing that he had love for her that was all-encompassing… it was beyond cruel. Ringabel should have _known_ that. He felt the same thing toward Edea, but had been lucky enough to win her love.

Suddenly, anger coursed through him, and he threw a punch, just barely clipping the side of Ringabel’s face. The other man shouted, rolling back to avoid the second fist that was heading his way, and even though his head was still hurting, that pain only fueled his anger and the force behind his punches.

“Woah woah woah!” Ringabel cried, clambering to his feet. Alternis followed, eyes wild. “I didn’t come here to fight, really! The punch earlier was a one-time thing!”

“Then why did you come here? To remind me that you and Edea are married and I have nothing?” Another punch, which Ringabel dodged again, bringing up a hand to block it.

“You have your daughter, don’t you?”

Just like that, Alternis’s anger deflated. He felt defeated, slumping over with his hands on his knees. “When the two - the three of you – move to Eternia, I will have nothing.”

“That’s not true. Edea and I wouldn’t let you not have time with Annette. She’s your child. You have custody rights.” Ringabel was still backing away warily, his hands in front of him even as Alternis trudged across the room to collapse onto his bed.

“Not on paper. She’s _yours._ ” The birth certificate had Ringabel’s name on it, even if they’d managed to add ‘Alternis’ to the nickname. He reached up to run his hands through his hair, sighing. What a mess.

“While that may be true, everyone who matters knows the truth of it. To be honest, I thought you’d already agreed to live with us, the way that Edea had talked about it…”

“Ugh, as if I would want to live with you.” The very idea of having to live with two newlywed people, being constantly exposed to their sickeningly sweet love more than he already was, made him want to punch something. It was one thing if they weren’t married. Now that they were… he was only an outsider.

“You already do in a sense,” Ringabel reminded him. “We meet up nearly every night and have dinner as a family. What’s the difference between that and living in a home with us?”

“That-!” That was different. Ringabel and Edea didn’t do very sweet things together during those dinners and evenings together, as a courtesy to him. In their own home, he imagined such restriction wouldn’t exist, and he couldn’t blame them.

“I know, I know. You don’t like it when we do romantic things together. You always leave before we go to bed. I think you’ll find, if you just tried it, that it won’t be that bad.”

“No.” No. No… he wouldn’t try it. He wouldn’t subject himself to something that made his chest ache so much at the very thought. He pressed his hands against his heart, hunching over. His eyes felt hot and a little wet, and he ducked his head down so that Ringabel couldn’t see. “I won’t.”

“You could see Annette all day, every day, if you lived with us,” Ringabel pointed out. He sat down on the bed beside Alternis. “She’d be happy to have her father close by.”

“You don’t think I _know_ that? But then I would have to see you and Edea and – I can’t. I _won’t.”_

Ringabel looked as though he wanted to argue, then thought better of it. “I think the three of us could be very happy together,” he started, and when Alternis lifted his head to glare, he shook his head. “We’ll figure something out, without you living with us.”

“I can’t… do it,” Alternis said. He shouldn’t _have_ to do it. “I want the space.” He needed the space. He was his own person, with his own needs and wants, and right now he wanted to separate himself from the two people who had found happiness with each other… without him. Edea would happier not having to worry about his feelings, he would be happier not having to witness her marriage to another man, and Ringabel… Ringabel would probably be happier without the constant reminder of who he used to be. Alternis wiped at his eyes, furious with himself for the weakness.

“You’ll have it.”

In the end, he did have it.

The agreement was this: Edea and Ringabel would move to Eternia with Annette, while Alternis would stay in Central Command. On the weekends, he would travel to Eternia and stay with Braev and Mahzer Lee, where Annette would come and stay as well. This way, while he wasn’t able to see her as often as he had been while everyone was living in Central Command, he could at least see her every week. This was easier to explain, and easier to deal with, then having to pack Annette up for a stay in the fortress every weekend. In the event of an emergency, or when he needed to look at paperwork, someone else could watch Annette for him, instead of him having to try to find a babysitter last second. It also avoided uncomfortable questions as to why the Grand Marshal’s daughter was staying with him every weekend, Edea pointed out. Annette’s true paternity was still a secret, even if many people suspected.

Alternis _hated_ it. He hated that he couldn’t walk into Edea’s room anytime he wanted to see how his daughter was doing. He hated that they no longer had evenings together, the four of them, lounging about and watching Annette as she grew. While he had a standing invitation to join them for dinner, the trip to Eternia took too long for him to traverse it every night, and he often spent his nights by himself in his room now, painting or otherwise trying to process his feelings in a more constructive manner than throwing himself into work.

Besides, dinner had become awkward during the times that they did have it together.

“I’m sorry,” he’d said to Edea, the day after their argument. “I shouldn’t have said those things to you the way that I did.” The implication there was that it was his delivery, not his words, that was the problem. Edea had picked up on it.

“I forgive you,” she’d told him. “I’m sorry for stressing you out like that. I didn’t consider your feelings. I’m sorry as well.”

And they’d left it at that, a conversation that he replayed in his heads for the months to come.  
  


* * *

“Your boundaries are important,” Gannon told him one day, not for the first time. “It’s good that you communicated them, even if the way that you did so was less than constructive.”

“She’s not angry at me, so that’s good… isn’t it?” Alternis said, wringing his hands. Edea had barely talked to him since she’d moved to Eternia, and most of what she talked about was work, with a few tidbits on how Annette was doing. It was only on the weekend that he really caught up with his daughter’s life. 

“Even if she were, you stood your ground. She seems like a forgiving person.”

“She is very forgiving.” And that was one of the many things that Alternis loved about her. She was forgiving and kind, even if she could be a bit… or perhaps _more_ than a bit stubborn. But once she was proven to be wrong, she could change her mind and support the new decision whole-heartedly, as she had during her two journeys all those years ago. She’d forgiven him for his transgressions in the past, after all. “I just… don’t know about this time. It’s hard to work with her.”

“Perhaps you could take a vacation. When was the last time you had one?”

“When I was hospitalized.” He’d been hospitalized for several weeks, recovering from his suicide attempt, and that had been the closest thing to a vacation that he’d had in several years. Before then… he couldn’t remember the last time that he hadn’t been working in some way or another.

“That wasn’t a real vacation, and I don’t think you should think of it as one,” Gannon corrected him gently “By a vacation I mean a change of scenery. You could go overseas for a few days. No one would blame you, and I’m certain you have plenty of vacation time built up.”

“A vacation…” The idea was sound. He loved Eternia, but getting away from her shores for a while might be a good idea. Actually…

“I’m going to be traveling to check on my spy network,” he told Edea the next day.

She stared at him, shocked into silence.

It was Councilwoman Ilina, who was in the room with them, who spoke up. “Traveling? Where?”

“To different countries, since I have eyes everywhere,” he reminded her patiently. Then again, Ilina didn’t often read the messages that his spies sent. She couldn’t know how extensive his network was. “I should have been travelling more frequently, but the last couple of years have been… chaotic, to say the least.”

“You’re going to leave?” Edea asked him, finally speaking up. “How long will you be gone?”

“I… a month or two, perhaps longer. I plan to spend a couple of weeks in each area, checking on things. I’d like to see for myself that my reports are true and to make sure that no one has been compromised. It will take me some time.” He’d spent the night, staying awake until very late, thinking the logistics of this through. “I’ll bring the Dark Knight with me so that you can send me messages at any time, should there be any urgency. In the meantime, my duties are easily done remotely.”

“We’ll miss you,” Ilina said, nodding her agreement. “No one takes notes quite like you do, Sir Dim.” She laughed, and he found himself breaking into a smile, not that either woman could see it behind his helmet that he had decided to wear.

Edea looked like she wanted to argue, with the way that her mouth opened, and then closed. Glancing over at Ilina, she instead nodded her head. “Yeah, Alternis… we’ll miss you.”

She would do more than miss him, she revealed that night when it was just the two of them.

“I can’t believe you want to travel,” Edea bemoaned from her desk, maps in front of her that she’d been looking at on and off throughout the hours. He looked up from where he was writing messages to his spies, letting them know he would be in the area soon and to keep an eye out for his airship, the Dark Knight. “It won’t be the same without you.”

“You’ll be fine,” he replied. He doubted privately that she would miss him very much at all. After all, she had Ringabel now, and the two of them were a proper family with Annette. Her parents would be able to spend more time with their grandchild, and Edea wouldn’t have to worry about him imposing for some time. She should be glad to see him gone.

“That’s not the point!” she exclaimed, slamming her fist down. With his helmet on, she couldn’t see the way that his eyebrows raised in surprise. “The point is that we’ll miss you… Annette will miss you.”

One thing that Alternis was getting very tired of was having his daughter used against him. “Annette will be fine,” he said evenly, flexing his hand. “She has you and Ringabel. She’ll hardly know that I’m gone.”

“Are you kidding me? She always asks about her daddy, you know.”

He didn’t know that. Edea had never said something like that before, and he was immediately suspicious as to why she might bring it up now, even if it did make something warm blossom in his chest. Annette did seem to know the difference between himself and Ringabel, though not exactly at a glance just yet, and for her to want him… “It’s only a couple of months. I’ve already decided and made plans,” he said, with some difficulty.

Well… sort of. He already had an idea of what he was going to do, but he had definitely already decided to go overseas. It would be a welcome distraction from Eternia.

Edea sighed. “You really want to go?”

“I have to. I should have been traveling to check on things more often, and you know it. You can stay here in Eternia, keep an eye on things. Let me be your eyes and ears elsewhere. That’s what I’m meant to do.” He was the Dark Knight of Eternia, right hand to the Grand Marshal, and he was willing to do things that she wouldn’t. Aside from obviously getting his hands dirty when it came to internal or external matters, that also meant the more mundane things like this, right now. 

He wanted to leave. Needed to leave. For his own space, and for hers.

It was later that same week that he finally departed, with a skeleton crew aboard his airship and some of the clothes that had been purchased for him in Caldis, so that he could go undercover in the cities that he visited if need to be. As he looked out the window to Eternia’s diminishing horizon, a weight lifted off his chest.

His first stop was Grandship.

“Hey, Alternis!” Datz greeted him warmly. Alternis nodded curtly, face hidden behind his helmet as usual. “Long time no see!”

He’d used to travel at least once a month to see the orphans, but when he’d had his own child… well, that had changed things, though he could still send his money.

“I’ve been busy.”

“Yeah, I bet. Heard all about it when we were there for the wedding – ah, I mean, when we were last in Eternia.”

Datz, Zatz, and the Proprietress had been among the wedding guests. Given how important they had been to Edea and Ringabel’s journey alongside the Vestal Agnes all those years ago, it was no wonder. Alternis had seen them for a few moments, when they had chatted before the wedding services about how some of his favorite orphans were doing before his actual child had demanded his attention again.

“It’s fine,” he replied, certain that Datz was trying to be sensitive to his feelings regarding Edea and Ringabel. “How are things here?”

He didn’t have a need for spies on Grandship, not when so many of its citizens were so eager to give him updates to his face. He stayed for a few days, catching up with the folks and with his orphans, assuring them that he stilled love them, of course he did, but Eternia had been demanding his attention. He promised to see them more often, and when the older ones had to go to school, he would even put in a good word for their scholarship program so that they might receive schooling in Eternia should they wish it.

He almost didn’t want to leave, not when the country liked him so, and not when he was surrounded by people that he felt comfortable with. Datz and Zatz made good drinking buddies, flanking him on either side until his whole body felt warm and tingly from a substance that was more than just the drink in his flagon that was continuously filled by the Proprietress. It was a tricky thing, and he almost drank to the point of no return, his body limp and unable to move of its own accord. Datz had to drag him into a bed, where he lay there, enjoying the buzzy aftereffects of alcohol. Until the next morning, and the next after that, and he spent a week in their company in such a way.

Still, he had to move on. His next stop was Eisenberg.

No longer war-torn, the country was on much better terms with Eternia than it had been in the past, thanks to the fight against the Glanz Empire where they had come together against their common foe. Still, there were plenty of soldiers who still held resentment for Eternia for stoking the flames of their civil war all those years ago, even though Eternia paid quite a bit of money to help fund rebuilding. With this in mind, he decided to let the Dark Knight dock off the far shores, far away from Hartschild, and trekked into the city on food, clothed in an outfit from Caldis.

He’d stay for a week or two, meet with his informants, then leave.

“I’m from Caldisla,” he lied easily when an inn keeper asked. His clothes helped make the lie, and he mentally thanked Ringabel and Edea for supplying them. “Here on a quick vacation before the harvest really takes off.”

That seemed to be an acceptable cover story, and his coin was good enough to ensure that no one would bother him as he settled into a cozy private room that would be his alone for his stay.

The city was hot, courtesy of the lava that flowed through it, but the clothes from Caldis were breezy enough that it almost didn’t bother him. Almost. As he lay there the first night, he noticed how eerily quiet everything was. In Eternia, the wind blew constantly. Not only that, but there was always the sound of soldiers passing by, of blizzards, of Annette fussing…

He sighed, and opened his journal to find a picture of his daughter that he’d taped to the front cover. It was one of the few they’d been able to get of her sitting still, but she looked adorable and precious, and he hugged it to his chest as he fell asleep.

Being away wasn’t so bad, he thought. Hopefully, he could get his troubles off his mind… as well as Edea and Ringabel.

Three days into his stay, he had checked on one of his informants and was planning to meet up with the other ones when he realized how _very lonely_ he was.

The inn room was nice, but it was too quiet. It was hard to sleep, even with how little he slept in the first place, and he found himself tossing and turning more than he would have liked, sleeping in later than he was used to. That was all good and fine for his cover story – a vacation – but not for his true objective. Still, he powered through, focusing on everything but the loneliness. He had a job to do. People to meet. Areas to observe. Things to buy.

It was hard, though, to try not to think about the pervasive feeling of being alone. It itched under his skin, a tight feeling that made his chest hurt in the dark hours of the night when he should have been sleeping. He found himself crying more often than not, pressing his face into his pillows and pretending that he had the warmth of another person beside him.

That feeling persisted for the rest of his stay, and even beyond, haunting him when he finally bid goodbye to the city and returned to the Dark Knight. There, at least, his room was _his_ , and he knew just how thick the walls were – thick enough that he could pleasure himself without having to worry either being heard by another traveler, or about having to bite down on his free hand to avoid making any noise. It was just himself and his thoughts that carried him to Yunohana next.

He’d never visited before, though he knew quite a bit about it from both Edea and from his network. Here he stayed another two weeks, one more using the cover story that he was from Caldis on vacation, and once more feeling loneliness wrap around him like a thick fog, the coldness of it unable to be chased out by even the hottest of the hot springs that he visited as he waited for his spies to get in contact with him.

By the time he left, the gaping chasm in his chest had grown even more. Some of the hot springs had attendants that were said to be willing and able to attend to visitors ‘every need’, and the implication had not been lost to him, especially given the way that they would giggle and flirt with him, having clearly never seen Ringabel’s visage in their village. The loneliness had made it tempting, oh so very tempting, but he was on a business trip, not pleasure. Still, he hadn’t protested when one night, one of the attendants had gotten close to him while serving him alcohol. That had been enough to help quench his thirst.

After Yunohana was Ancheim. He hated the heat of the sand, even with the cooling effect that the wind had on the region. Still, the pervasive heat was a welcome distraction from his inner thoughts. It was almost too warm, even at night, for him to think about home, about his family that he had left behind in Eternia, about those nights he’d had with Edea all those months ago. The sound of the giant windmill thrummed through him every minute, in accordance to his own heartbeat. He slept terribly.

Under the eye of the Prime Minister, the citizens were prospering a great deal better than they had under the previous King. They were happy and satisfied. His spies told him that life couldn’t be better in Ancheim. Everyone had plentiful water and wind, and the Wind Vestaling came often to the city to perform rites for the people. Even though many were still Anti-Crystalist thanks to the efforts of the Merchantry all those years ago, even more were devout Crystalists and the peace was well-kept due to a mutual understanding.

Still, he was glad to see the region behind him when he left it. Sand got into _everything_ , his clothes, his hair, his mouth… terrible. Not to mention the stuff that they passed off as coffee!

Al Khampis was but a quick trip to tour the school, pretending that he was interested in his daughter attending (which, if he were being honest, wasn’t a _bad idea_ , even though they had plenty of years before Annette would be old enough to attend). In a school town, there was very little space for spies, nothing worthy of being documented, but at least he could see for himself the atmosphere. It was peaceful and quiet.

Then came Florem.

He’d dreaded coming to Florem, had almost considered skipping it altogether. It wasn’t just his memories of his childhood that made him apprehensive. It was the city itself, with its femininity and outlandish gaudiness, even after years of attempted healing from the Black Rose Legion’s poisoning.

It was also because it was Ringabel’s favorite city, and he knew from many of Edea’s complaints that the other man had left quite an impression on many of the inhabitants.

“You look familiar,” one girl said to him, a few days into his stay. “What was your name again?”

“Anazel,” Alternis lied, giving a familiar pseudonym. “I have a twin brother. Perhaps you’re thinking of him.”

She giggled. “I must be. Though I have to say, you’re cuter if that’s true.”

 _Hah_ , he thought smugly. _Take that, Ringabel._

Here, his spies were leftover Blood Rose Legion members who had decided to make the city their home, and he met up with them quickly so that he could leave as soon as possible. They were loyal to the city, but still loyal to Eternia as well, and all he wanted from them was intel on how things were going. If Eternia needed to interfere for whatever reason, it was good to know the overall temperature of the citizens.

They were still not over the Matriarch’s betrayal to the world all those years ago, and there was some unrest as she continued to govern them. Many of them no longer trusted her, and could not trust her chosen successor for the same reason. There were talks of voting for a new Matriarch, or at least, of voting for whomever would take up her mantle once she finally stepped down. Some pockets of unrest stirred here and there.

Eternia was not yet in the business of interfering with other countries elections, but Alternis kept this intel in the back of his mind, lest fighting break out between different factions. Perhaps they could back one of them…? No, that was Edea’s decision to make.

A week into his stay, and he found he couldn’t take it anymore.

He was lonely, surrounded by women on all sides. Even though men had now moved into and lived freely in the region, they were outnumbered 5 to 1, and there was no shortage of lovely women who crossed his path on a daily basis. All of his spies were women. All of the people who stopped to talk to him, either out of their own interest or because they recognized his face, were women

The prostitutes that he saw in the darkest hours of the nights, huddled up together on the side of the streets during the time that the bars were closing, were all women.

He brought one of the women back to his inn room one night.

“I’ve never done this before,” he admitted. But the ache in his chest and in his lower belly was far too much for him to ignore. She’d promised that she’d stay with him for the rest of the night, and that was what he wanted, perhaps even more then the idea of sex. To curl up with someone beside him in bed… he’d truly missed that.

She was a lovely thing, with a voluptuous figure that was quite unlike Edea’s own slender form. Her hair was a deep shade of black with tips that were still dyed purple from years of poison hues, and her eyes were cobalt. She had a quirk to her mouth and a sway to her hips that Edea would never have, and he couldn’t be happier about it. She reminded him nothing of Edea, and that was the way he wanted it.

“No need to fret,” she reassured him, leaning over him so that he could see down the front of her blouse. Her cleavage was deep. “You’re in good hands, I promise. Just let me take care of everything for you, Anazel.”

She took care of the deep ache in his chest, at the very least, and of the heat in his loins, proving her words beyond a doubt. He woke the next day with her still in his arms, her body soft and warm and he all but snuggled into that embrace, finally quenching some of the loneliness that he felt.

But it was bone-deep, and one night hardly made a difference. It would have to be enough, he decided with much difficulty, and immediately rescinded on his own words.

When he finally left the region, after a month, a couple of weeks longer than his original plan, he felt somewhat better. He may have been alone, but there was no need for him to be _lonely_ , not when he had people around him to help keep him company. Perhaps he couldn’t have Edea but that didn’t mean that he had no other options. Perhaps it was time to move on…? No. He wasn’t ready for that idea. He filed it back into his deepest parts of his mind, along with the nights that he’d spent in the arms of other women.

Last on his trip was Caldisla.

Caldisla was in good relations with Eternia, despite all the havoc that the duchy had wreaked upon them many years ago. Reparations had been paid, and while some of the citizens no doubt carried resentment toward Eternia’s actions, overall things were well. He had but one spy, a man who had moved to Caldis to live with his wife. That was all that was needed, when Edea’s best friend was married to Tiz Arrior. He heard just as much from Agnes Oblige on how things were going as he did his own informant.

His cover story wouldn’t work here, for obvious reasons, and Ringabel and his own face were too well known for him to have any sort of cover story at all. Instead, he told the truth for once. That he was visiting different regions to see how things were going.

He was welcomed with open arms, Karl giving him a private room in the inn so that he could have his own space. He accepted it with no small amount of guilt, considering how his actions had led to the death of the man’s son, but that was a secret he would take to his grave.

His few days in the region were peaceful, quiet. A good end to a trip that had been busy and lonely at the same time. He was surrounded by people who _knew_ him, people who thought of him as a good person. They couldn’t have been further from the truth, but the sentiment was nice all the same.

“I’ll be leaving tomorrow,” he told Egil and Karl over dinner one day. “Thank you for having me.”

“Already?” Egil complained. “You just got here!”

“I’ve been away from home for over two months,” Alternis explained. “I’m sure that the Grand Marshal must need me for other things.”

“From what I hear from Tiz, she’s been complaining about you being gone since you left,” Karl said, smoothing down his mustache. “That and your little girl is probably missing you. Children need their parents, especially at that age.”

Alternis had been doing his best not to think about all the time he was missing with Annette… but Karl’s words were like an arrow to the chest. He sighed. “So, Tiz told you the truth, I assume.”

“Yeah, he told us both,” Egil admitted sheepishly. “She looks like you. I saw her at the wedding.”

“She looks like Ringabel as well. That’s the story of who her father is,” Alternis said patiently. It hardly mattered if two Caldislans knew the truth about Annette’s paternity, but it still bothered him somewhat. If the news were to get back to Eternia…!

“It must bother you, to hear people call another man the father of your child. But if that’s the way you want to keep things easy for her, that’s a wonderful sacrifice for a parent to make,” Karl told him.

Alternis wanted to squirm in his seat but resisted the urge. He wouldn’t necessarily call his catering to Edea’s wishes a “sacrifice”, not considering how messy it all was. “Ringabel is a good man and stays at home with her while Edea and I work. I’m fine with her being called his daughter.” It could be worse. It could be that Edea was continuing to deny the ties that he had with her, or that he wasn’t allowed time with her at all, as it had been previously. Things were better now, even if he missed her. Missed them all. Loneliness once more churned in his gut, and he banished it away. No.

He left the next day after that awkward dinner, finally heading home to Eternia. First thing he did, after docking his airship and telling his staff to have a good rest with their families, was report back to the Grand Marshal.

“You’re back!” Edea said cheerfully, clapping her hands. The rest of the office was empty. “We’ve missed you.”

He doubted that. “I’m back, and I have many things to report, my Lord.”

Edea waved a hand. “No need to be so formal, Alternis. You can tell me all about what you’ve discovered on your trip over dinner tonight. We’ve _missed_ you, Annette most of all.”

He faltered. During his trip, he had discovered just how lonely his existence was, but that didn’t mean he was ready to face Edea, Ringabel, and the family they’d made together with his daughter once more. Annette probably hadn’t even realized he was gone as long as he was. Edea was surely exaggerating in a method to get him to join her and Ringabel as he had in the past.

Still… he had missed his daughter. Had missed the warmth that came with being around them all, even as awkward as it had become since they’d moved to Eternia.

“Very well,” he replied slowly. “I’ll be there tonight.”

That night, he traveled to Eternia through a blistering cold snowstorm, cloak wrapped tight around him. He was still feeling the chill when he entered Edea’s manor, her butler there to take his cloak and the bag of souvenirs that he had purchased in different parts of the world. Maybe he had gone on the trip for business, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t buy things to bring back to his family, after all, and he’d seen many things – mostly toys – that he wanted to gift.

“Daddy!”

He looked up to see Annette toddling toward him as fast as she could on her little legs. She was already crying, her arms outstretched toward him. His heart squeezed painfully, and he knelt down to take her into his arms, wrapping them around her small form and holding her tightly. She clung tightly to him, tiny hands clinging to his top. “Daddy home!”

“I’m home,” he told her, kissing the top of her head. She’d grown _so much_ in the weeks that he’d been away, he realized. She was walking more sure, and speaking more sure, and while she was still babbling baby sounds at him now, she’d called him _daddy._

Two new sets of arms wrapped around him, Edea and Ringabel both hugging him as well. He’d started crying himself, he realized, when he noticed that Annette’s hair was getting wet with his tears. For long moments, the four of them knelt in the entry way of Edea’s home, and the embrace swept the last of the chill from both his body and his heart. Loneliness? What was that?

He was home.


	3. feverish

It started in the middle of a cold January day. Alternis was busy with paperwork, Edea going through some military budgeting, and the two of them looked up when the door opened.

“A message from Eternia for you both,” said the guard, passing over the envelope.

They exchanged a glance. It was rare that _both_ of them received the same message, unless it was an urgent one from one of Alternis’s spies. From Eternia?

“I’ll take it,” Edea said, receiving the envelope and slicing it open before the guard even had a chance to leave. Alternis walked over to read over her shoulder.

Inside was a message from Ringabel.

_“Not to alarm you, but Annette’s sick. I’m taking her to the Healing Tower now. Wanted to let you know. Come home?”_

They looked up at each other.

“I’ll send for a carriage to take us back,” Alternis said. By foot it would take them over an hour to return to Eternia in the snow, even by the shortest passage through the mountains. A carriage would easily cut the time in half, if not more. Edea was working on a way of building covered roads through the mountains, but that had yet to take fruition. The snow would only bog them down.

“Thanks,” Edea said, turning to her desk and gathering up her papers. “You’re coming too, right?”

“Of course I am,” Alternis replied, a bit offended despite himself. His daughter was sick, and sick enough that Ringabel had thought to send them a message. “How was she this morning?”

“She seemed fine this morning. A bit sleepy, but she’s been sleeping in more as of late. She’s getting to that age where she needs lots of naps.” She chewed on her bottom lip. “Ringabel didn’t say what she’s sick with. I hope everything’s okay.”

“Everything’s fine,” Alternis told her, placing a hand on her shoulder. It seemed like the right thing to do. “She’s in excellent hands, and we’ll be there soon enough.” Still, worry pulsed through him despite his reassuring words. Annette was sick! She’d had the sniffles before, but she’d never been _sick._ And the healing tower?

Anxiety churned in his gut as he and Edea entered the carriage that would take them to Eternia. Silence reigned in it, as thoughts raced through his head. Perhaps Mahzer’s countenance had skipped a generation and they were only just now finding it out. Perhaps she had eaten something that she was allergic to and was now covered in hives, or worse. Perhaps she’d come down with the great plague as it lay in dormancy for the past 30 years. Perhaps she…

“She has a fever,” Ringabel explained as the two of them approached him in the healing tower an hour later. It had taken that long for them to get to the healing tower, and to find out which waiting room Ringabel was in. Annette was asleep in his arms, bundled up securely from the cold with both a thick coat and a blanket, with her head resting on his shoulder. “She’s sleepy and feverish, and I wanted to get her checked out.”

Alternis sighed. “How bad is the fever? Is she sneezing? Throwing up? Having a seizure?”

“No, not yet,” Ringabel replied, sounding almost amused. “She’s fine, but I figured the two of you would want to know. This isn’t something that she’ll recover from in a few hours, I don’t think. The healer should be seeing us soon.”

Edea leaned down to take the girl from him. Annette fussed as she was transferred from one set of arms to the other, squawking with displeasure. A kiss was laid on the top of her head, and Alternis sidled over to rest his hand on Annette’s back, kissing her as well.

“Thanks for letting us know,” he said to the other man. Without the message, he likely wouldn’t have known at all. Edea at least would have gone home to a sick child… he would have remained oblivious until the next day. The idea that his daughter was in discomfort without him knowing made him uneasy. Of course, children got sick, but…

The healer saw them shortly, and after a quick examination, said: “It’s just a fever. We could give her some white magic healing rays to clear it up, if you really want, but we really recommend that you let the fever run its course. It’s better for her immune system in the long run, if it gets to fight these little things. I can give you some medication to help control the fever, but what she really needs is plenty of rest and some food to give her energy to fight it.”

They all relaxed. Annette snuggled into Edea’s chest, sucking her thumb.

“We’ll take her home, then,” Edea said. “Medication would be great.”

“If her temperature continues to climb, by all means bring her back immediately,” the healer said, writing a prescription for them to pick up from the alchemist downstairs. “But she should be right as rain within a day or two. It may even break tonight. ”

“Now I feel silly for calling for you,” Ringabel confessed as they bundled Annette back up in her coat. “It’s just a fever.”

“It’s her first big fever,” Edea said. “It’s fine to call us. That’s what parents are for.”

“Is it alright if I stay?” Alternis asked them, feeling unsure. It was just a fever, and yet… he still felt uneasy. He didn’t want Annette to be sick without him there to help, just in case. What if Edea or Ringabel got overwhelmed?

“Of course you can stay,” Edea told him, hefting Annette into her arms. “You’re welcome to stay as long as you want. We have a couple of extra rooms for you to sleep in.”

“And you can borrow my clothes. They’ll fit you,” Ringabel pointed out, wrapping an arm around Edea’s shoulder. Together, they looked like a good, perfect family. Alternis suddenly doubted his decision to stay. Did he even belong?

Then Edea added. “It’ll be nice to have you nearby. She likes you best, I think.”

He felt his face flush with pleasure. “She does not.”

“Oh, she’s definitely a daddy’s girl,” Ringabel teased, laughing. “You know she calls me Didiot.”

“Didiot,” Annette parroted sleepily, lifting her head to look at him. “Didiot.”

Edea laughed, rocking Annette gently. “That’s your fault, you know!”

“You’re the one who called me idiot in front of her,” Ringabel argued, but there was a smile on his face. Alternis almost had to laugh. Almost. He managed to keep it together.

“It fits you,” he said, leading the way back downstairs to the lobby of the Healing Tower. “Idiot dad.”

“If I’m the idiot dad, what does that make you?” Ringabel asked once they were back in the carriage. It would take them to Edea’s manor, much easier than it would have been taking the roads on foot with a sick child.

“I… it makes me…” What _did_ it make him? He was already daddy and he was content with that.

“Daddy!” Annette answered for him, reaching her arms out to be held. How could he possible say no to that? He picked her up under the armpits and held her close, letting her lean her little head against his shoulder. “Daddy home.”

“See? Daddy’s girl.” Edea made a face. “Tell me I wasn’t as clingy when I was a child.”

“You were worse,” both men replied at the same time, then glanced at each other. Ringabel smiled, Alternis looked away.

Edea sighed loudly. “I suppose I set myself up for that one! Come on, Annette, let’s leave these two losers by themselves.”

“Nooo,” the girl whined, burrowing her face into Alternis’s shoulder. “Daddy home.”

“I think she’s still remembering when you were away for all those months,” Ringabel commented, leaning his elbows on his knees. “She really did miss you. She kept asking about you.”

“We missed you too!”

Yes, Alternis had heard all of this before.

When he’d returned that wonderful day, he had held his daughter in his arms for hours – she had refused to be put down, which had eventually made things awkward when he needed to go to the bathroom. Edea and Ringabel had been happy to see him, a thought that was just as foreign now as it was at the time. He’d imagined they were happy to see him return for Annette’s sake, but Edea had insisted that they’d missed him as well! That dinner hadn’t been the same without him, that they’d been worried about him during the time he was gone. Even now he still wasn’t sure if that was true, but the idea had been nice.

“I know. My traveling is done now. I won’t be leaving any time soon.”

“Daddy home,” Annette said sleepily, clutching his top. “Home.”

“Yes, yes,” he told her, to Edea and Ringabel’s amused smiles, “Daddy’s home. I’ll stay home this time.”

When they arrived at Edea’s manor, Alternis immediately set Annette down for a nap. She fussed and tossed, but eventually, helped along by him climbing onto the bed with her, she fell asleep, her hair mused around her face. He then joined Edea and Ringabel in the sitting room.

“You have a way with her,” Ringabel commented. “I’m almost jealous.”

“It’s just my natural way with women,” Alternis replied. “I’m better at it than you.”

“Hah, funny. Was that a joke again? From you? I’m shocked! ” Ringabel said, sounding somewhat affronted. Edea, at least, looked amused.

“You’re not wrong. The amount of times a woman slapped Ringabel… if I had a pg for every time it happened, we could have funded our entire journey on that alone!” She giggled. 

“That’s not true,” Ringabel argued, waving a hand. “I have my own natural charm. Plenty of women found me irresistible and you know it.”

“Mmhmm.”

He felt like an outsider now. Their journey? The very one he had risked his life during to try to make her see reason and she had thrown him aside? Is that what Ringabel had been doing during that time? The cad.

No, he told himself, taking a deep breath. There was no reason to be dwelling on the past. Edea had eventually seen reason, and the world had _not_ ended, though it had been a close thing, and Ringabel’s reputation had been because he’d lost his memories and had little direction. He _knew_ this.

“Anyway,” Edea said, glancing toward him. He stared back at her. “Thanks for staying over. I know you’d probably prefer to go back to Central Command, but it’s nice to have you here. It’s like… old times.”

Old times which had been but a few months ago. He had to agree. The three of them settled in the sitting room to chat. Most of their conversation was on the most neutral of topics: Annette.

Ringabel was still her primary caretaker, but he had been taking her to a daycare, which catered to nobles and their children, once a week so that she might socialize with other children, and so that Ringabel could have a chance to decompress or run errands for the day without having to worry about a toddler. She was making friends! Having fun with kids her age. Enjoying being around other people in general. Growing up.

Alternis hated how much he missed being around her and her life. All these changes and he was… away by himself in Central Command. Yes, he needed the space, but sometimes the space came with downsides. He was missing out on things not only with his daughter but with Edea and Ringabel as well. Those evenings they’d once had together… he’d enjoyed them. He could admit that now, even if he didn’t know how to go back to that time, not with things as they were. Everyone was growing apart, and weren’t things better for it? Sometimes, he wasn’t so sure.

Dinner came after Annette woke, the four of them settling down for a meal. She was still feverish, still sick, so Alternis and Edea alternated getting her to eat. She was slow about it, grabbing at her food with her fist instead of using the tiny little spoon that was set out for her, but at least, Alternis thought, she was eating.

Even if she would desperately need a bath afterward, considering how much food she was getting on herself instead of into her mouth. Edea took care of that while Alternis and Ringabel cleaned up dinner, focusing mostly on the area around Annette’s high chair.

After her bath, he found himself settling down with her on the couch in their sitting room, a bottle of warm milk in his hand for her to drink from. She snuggled into him, her tiny hands wrapped around the bottle as well, though he kept it steady.

It was getting late.

“I hate to break you apart,” Edea said, her voice barely a whisper. Annette was dozing, her eyes barely open as she drank from the bottle. Alternis rocked her imperceptibly. “It’s too cute. Besides, she needs you right now.”

He _should_ go back to Central Command for the evening. Or at the very least, head over to the Lee family manor where he had a room of his own. Braev and Mahzer would let him sleep over, he was sure of it. Edea and Ringabel had guest rooms, but that wasn’t the same, and did he really want to spend the night with them in their home?

“Why don’t you spend the night?” Edea suggested, as if she could sense his thoughts. “You can stay over and tomorrow we can both go back to Central Command, especially if she’s doing better.”

“I’m not sure…” he started. What would his argument be? What argument did he even have, aside from being contrite? Their home had everything possible to make an overnight stay comfortable, even enjoyable, and -

Annette whined, kicking her feet. Edea and Alternis both went silent.

“Very well,” he whispered, not willing to continue to argue anymore. Annette was trying to sleep, after all. “I’ll stay.”

Edea beamed at him, her smile so bright that it made his chest ache and his anxieties flare up suddenly. He’d thought he was past the point of hurting himself to please her, but… for that smile, he would do anything, he realized. This wasn’t hurting himself though, was it? He was only going to stay the night, sleep in one of their guest bedrooms, and be able to stay close to his daughter.

That had been his plan, at least. Annette was cranky, fussing and crying throughout the evening and into the night, demanding to be held by at least one of the adults at all times, and screaming whenever Alternis or Edea left her vision. Alternis could barely change into a pair of borrowed pajamas without feeling like a monster, listening to her sob for her daddy in the other room.

“I think we have no choice,” Edea said once he returned, bouncing Annette carefully on one knee while the girl snuggled into her with a pacifier in her mouth, which was doing very little to assuage her tears. Alternis felt exhausted from dealing with her crying, and yet…

“What do you mean?” he asked Edea. Maybe they could stay up just a little longer until Annette fell asleep and the four could part ways. Surely she would fall asleep soon. Especially with fever, she had to be tired.

Ringabel was lounging on Edea’s other side, looking just as worn as Alternis felt. “It’s obvious, isn’t it?”

“No?”

“The bed is big enough for all four of us,” Edea said wearily. “Why don’t you sleep in it with us? That way Annette has the both of us together.”

“I… what?” Surely he hadn’t heard her correctly. She hadn’t just asked him to sleep in her bed with her, her husband, and their child. Yes, Edea’s bed was infamously large and could fit all four of them, but… what?

“We can sleep with Annette between us,” Edea pointed out, yawning. “That’s no big deal is it? She’ll keep us awake, I’m sure, but at least that way she knows we’re both there.”

It made sense, and it was a suggestion that might even be the best solution to all of them getting some sleep. Still, he hesitated. It was one thing to sleep over at their house and another thing entirely to sleep over in their bed, even if it was more than big enough for all of four of them – if it could fit four teenagers and a fairy with room to spare, it could fit three grown adults and a toddler, he was sure. “Are you… certain?” he managed to ask. “Isn’t it awkward?” He knew Edea had platonically slept with all of her friends at one point or another but that was years ago! This was now!

Edea leveled him with a glare. “We’re just sleeping, Alternis. It’ll be like old times.” When he paled, she hastened to clarify, her cheeks flushing deeply. “When we were kids! And we used to sleepover in each other’s beds during bad blizzards.”

“I do miss those times,” Ringabel cut in, sensing the tension in the air. “You were so cute, cuddling up close and trying to pretend that it was for my – our – sake rather than your own.”

“It _was_ for your sake,” Edea replied, chin high. “You were the one who cried during the blizzards. I was there for moral support.”

“I didn’t _cry_ ,” Alternis muttered. Yes, during his early years in Eternia, he had found it difficult to sleep through the worst of the snow storms. He simply hadn’t been used to such things in Florem, where it snowed very rarely and never stuck longer than a few hours. But he wouldn’t have called it crying, even if he had huddled under his blankets praying that the windows would hold against the snow that blew against them. Edea’s presence had been a welcome one during those times, even if she had seemed just as unsure and scared as he, telling him in whispers that her Father had said everything was going to be alright, and that buildings in Eternia were built to withstand even the most terrible of blizzards.

“Whatever it was,” Edea said. “We got through it. And we’ll get through this. Right honey?” she asked Annette, who gave a sleepy noise in response, sucking on her pacifier. “You want Daddy to stay?”

Annette nodded.

Alternis felt blackmailed.

And yet, there was a part of him, buried deep down under his anxiety and trepidation, that didn’t mind the four of them climbing into the big bed, already nicely warmed with hot bricks and a fire in the fireplace nearby. The room was cozy and warm despite its size, and he settled on his side on the far side with a contented noise despite himself. Annette was placed next to him, her tiny hands still clutching at Edea’s as Edea awkwardly climbed into the center of the bed, and Ringabel brought up the other side, pulling the blanket up around Edea’s form even as he tucked himself into it.

He could stretch out and still not reach the end of the bed, he realized. Annette flailed, her fist walloping him on the shoulder. He grabbed her hand and watched her settle.

“Daddy’s here,” he murmured. The words were heavy on his tongue. He was Daddy, and Ringabel was just an idiot who cared for her during the day. “Now go to sleep.”

“If only it were that easy,” Edea bemoaned. At least Annette had let go of her, which meant that she could rest her palm against the girl’s forehead. “She’s still warm. I guess we’ll need to keep monitoring her temperature for now.”

“It could break overnight,” Ringabel suggested, curling up on his side to face the rest of them. His hair was loose around his face. “As long as she gets enough rest.”

“I don’t know if we’ll get rest ourselves.”

“We could take watch,” Alternis suggested, his voice quiet over the dozing toddler. “Stay up to keep an eye on her to make sure it doesn’t get worse, either.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” Edea mused. “I suppose you’ll take first watch, then?”

Well, he hadn’t been volunteering for such a thing, but … “Fine,” he said. “I’ll do it.”

“I’ll take second watch,” Ringabel graciously said. “Edea can take last and wake up early for once.”

“I wake up early plenty of times,” Edea responded, but she was already tugging the blanket over her shoulders as she settled down into bed. “Fine. Wake me up in a few hours and I’ll keep an eye on her. I have books on the bookshelf if you want to read something to keep yourself awake, Alternis.”

“Wake me first,” Ringabel yawned. “You and I know how to function on little sleep, remember? We’ll be fine.”

Would he though? Alternis didn’t like other people speaking for him, and he was already tired. Still, he’d already agreed to take first watch, as dreadfully boring as it sounded. With a groan, he slid out of bed and crossed over to Edea’s bookshelf to pick out something to read.

… all she had were tawdry romance novels. Whose bookshelf was this, again? There were a few military manuals as well, scattered throughout. He chose one of those, intent on actually keeping himself awake, and headed back to bed.

No one stirred.

When he glanced over, his heart pounded in his chest. Ringabel was snuggling Edea from behind, his arm wrapped loosely around her waist. Alternis suddenly ached to do the same, to be able to hold Edea in such a way…! He bit his lip.

 _No_ , he told himself firmly even as his stomach cramped. _You shouldn’t dwell on such things._ Ringabel had things that he didn’t, and that was fine. They were separate people. So what if Ringabel had Edea’s love and everything that entailed…? Alternis had a daughter with her, and that was _special._ He held a special place in Edea’s heart that Ringabel didn’t, and even if that place was platonic…

He buried his face into the book he’d selected, curling up on his side and trying to keep only Annette in his vision. Annette, his daughter. His sick daughter, who was relying on him right now to keep her safe and healthy.

For the next few hours, he read, slowly growing more and more tired. Now and then he checked Annette’s temperature, noticing that it wasn’t getting worse, but wasn’t exactly getting better either. Perhaps another trip to the healers in the morning…? Yes, it was better for her immune system to fight these minor fevers, but surely it should break soon.

When the tiredness (and the boredom) grew unbearable, he slid out of bed and crossed to the other side to shove Ringabel awake, taking care not to wake Edea, but not caring if he was a _little_ rough as he shook the other man.

“Your turn,” he murmured, as Ringabel turned to look at him with bleary eyes. “Keep an eye on the baby.”

“Fine,” Ringabel groaned, scrubbing at his face. “Get some sleep.”

… and now that he was free to fall asleep, that was easier said than done. He was in Edea’s bed, along with her husband and child! What was he doing here again? With Annette firmly asleep, he could easily go and sleep in one of their guest rooms now.

Except… he didn’t want to.

The bed was warm. It was soft. It was comfortable, and he could lie on his side and keep Edea and Annette both in his vision. Ringabel had sat up, turned on the lamp on his side of the bed and started reading a book. Some novel. The light framed him softly, highlighted the planes of his face and waves of his hair as it fell around his chin. Edea was still asleep, her eyelashes on her cheeks. She looked beautiful, pouting slightly as she dreamt of something or another. And Annette, despite the fever, looked absolutely cherubic as she stretched out, taking up more room than he imagined a toddler would have taken, her head tucked against Edea’s chest. He placed his hand on her stomach, so that if she woke she would know that yes, Daddy was still there.

He must have fallen asleep at one point, because suddenly Edea’s alarm was going off and all four of them jolted at the sound.

“Shit,” Ringabel said. “I forgot about that.”

“Language,” Edea chided. “Baby’s awake.”

“Wah!” Annette cried, clearly disliking the sound of the alarm. Alternis rolled over to turn it off, or at least turn it onto snooze. He’d always left her before the alarm went off, after all.

He’d dreamt, he was sure of it, but with the alarm blaring he couldn’t remember anything of his dreams except a warmth that filled him from head to toe. Annette had been a young baby in the dream, he thought. And Ringabel had been there. They’d all been there. Things had seemed… simple, but the details were lost now.

“Her fever broke,” Edea said, picking Annette up and holding her close to try to calm her down. She was already quieting, clutching Edea. Sometime during the night, Edea’s top had become undone, and she was now bare-chested. Annette’s head rested against her sternum. “While you slept.”

“Did it?” he asked, sitting up and resting a hand on Annette’s back, trying not to stare at Edea’s breasts, even though they were _right there._ “That’s good.”

“I told you,” Ringabel said, yawning as he sat up as well, cross-legged on the large bed. “She just needed some rest. We all did.”

“You were the one who took her to the Central Healing Tower over the fever,” Edea reminded him, rocking Annette as she held her. The girl was waking, her eyes fluttering open.

“As a precautionary measure. One can never be too sure,” Ringabel argued, his cheeks suddenly flushed.

“Mama. Daddy,” Annette said in her tiny voice. “Daddy?”

“Daddy’s right here,” Edea said, swiveling so that Annette could blink owlishly up at Alternis, who tried a smile. “See?”

“Hi Daddy!”

“Hi Annette.” He bent over to kiss the top of her head, his heart pounding at the heat he felt emanating from Edea’s bare skin. “I love you.”

She was so placated that she didn’t even throw a fit as Alternis got up to dress for the day, borrowing some clothes from Ringabel. They hung slightly on his frame, and he needed a belt to keep the trousers from sagging, but they would do, he decided. It was better than wearing the same clothes he’d been wearing the previous day, as dirty as they were. Perhaps, he wondered, he should bring over a few changes of clothes so that…

No, he thought with a jolt. No.

What was he thinking? So that he’d have a change of clothes the next time he slept over in their house? As if there would be a next time, he scolded himself. This was a one-time thing, due to extenuating circumstances, and he _certainly_ would not be sleeping in their bed with them again.

Well… maybe, just in case, he should have some clothes in their guest bedroom. Just in case…


	4. birthdays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Annette's second birthday, and even more revelations are about to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, contains some mention and depiction of self-harm!

“Happy Birthday!”

Annette clapped her hands together loudly. “Happy birfday!” She blew at the candles on the cake, getting more spit than breath on them, and they flickered for several seconds until Edea bent over and blew them out herself.

“She’s a little confused but she’s got the spirit,” Ringabel said with amusement in his voice, leaning over so that only Alternis could hear him. Alternis nudged him in the side, barely biting back a smile.

It was Annette’s second birthday, and the entire family had gathered in Edea’s manor to celebrate.

Had it only been a year since that fateful night in Braev’s home where Edea had finally seen reason? Alternis thought as Edea cheerfully cut up the cake, serving Annette a small slice. The cake had been homemade by Mahzer, and was less sugary than the ones that Edea preferred. The girl immediately dug in, reaching in with a fist and shoving cake in her mouth.

“Like mother like daughter,” Ringabel teased.

“She’s got taste,” Edea said, sticking her tongue out at him as she dug into her own piece, though using a fork. “This is good, Mother! Thank you!”

“You’re welcome,” Mahzer replied, smiling. “Look at how much she’s grown! Two years, and it feels like just yesterday I held her in my arms for the first time.”

It did feel that way. Alternis remembered that time fondly as well, even if the circumstances surrounding her birth had been less than ideal. That moment of holding his daughter in his embrace for the first time, despite the fact that she wasn’t _technically_ his at the time, had been wonderful. Now that he could be open with her being his, it was even more so. With that in mind, he accepted the piece of cake that Mahzer passed to him. He’d partake just this once, he decided.

Also, _just this once,_ he would sleep over at Edea’s house. He hadn’t done so since the night that Annette had had her fever, whether in their guest bedroom or otherwise. As usual, anytime he stayed in Eternia he did so in his own room in the Lee family home, where he’d long made things comfortable for himself after his hospital stay. Staying in another house would be new, but he’d brought over several changes of clothes and a few books to make the room seem more like his own.

“Time for presents,” Edea said cheerfully once the cake was demolished, mostly by herself, with some help from the other family members. Mahzer cleaned up Annette while presents were brought in.

Toys were the usual present from Braev and Mahzer, this time leaning more toward dolls that she could play with, and a few things to help enhance her skills, including a tiny little sword made out of soft wood that she could chew on or play with.

“Get her started early,” Braev said, watching her swing the sword around. “Just as Edea got started early.”

“This is a little too early, Father,” Edea observed, one hand out to catch the sword in case Annette swung it wrong. “You could at least wait until she’s walking and talking more! Then we could get her enrolled in school, maybe give her some lessons at home…”

“It’ll be fine,” Ringabel laughed. “She’ll just have fun playing with it _and_ her dolls, that’s all.”

Alternis’s gift was another portrait, same as it had been last year. That had been his promise to her, after all. He would stay alive to see her grow each and every year, and each year would be another portrait that they could have to see her growth. In this portrait, she was wearing a dress that had been passed down from Edea, one that they’d dressed her in for the very purpose of the painting. She looked adorable and sweet as always. It was one of his favorite pictures of her, and he’d been sketching a lot as of late. The sketches would add to the story of her growing up.

“We’re going to hang each of these up in her room,” Edea said, admiring it.

“You should make a big one with her parents like Edea has in her room,” Ringabel said. “Or, if the two of you would like to pose for it, I’ll make it myself.” He did, after all, have the same artistic talent that Alternis did, even if he didn’t have as much time to practice his skills due to having to watch a toddler nearly every day.

Art and journaling was one of the ways that Alternis decompressed. Every day, he would update his journal with the day’s events, and how they had made him feel. He would include sketches for any important moment that he wanted to memorialize, and his paintings were even more important moments, or simply just his feelings for the day in a more abstract way. He was slowly amassing a collection of canvases in his room that he had no idea what to do with. Heaven forbid anyone else look at them. They were personal.

“I shall… consider it,” Alternis told Ringabel. Edea had always bemoaned how embarrassing that portrait was, but she had never had it removed from her room until she had moved. Now, it hung up in the sitting room for any of their guests to see.

“Consider it well,” Ringabel replied, waving a hand. “I can see it now! Something adorable and sweet with the whole happy family.”

“It’s only the whole family if it you’re in it too,” Edea told him, bouncing Annette slightly on her knee. “You deserve to be in it too, after everything.”

That was true, Alternis thought. Ringabel was technically her father on paper, and even now he was her primary caretaker. It wouldn’t be a family portrait without him in it, which meant they might actually have to hire a professional to paint it, if both men were to be involved as subjects.

“We will have to see,” Alternis said. Who knew what might happen?

His plan for the day was that he would sleep over, since it was Annette’s birthday. That was another one of his birthday presents to her; time spent with her that he would otherwise have spent on traveling from Central Command. By staying the night, he could stay up as long as they could – she did have an early bedtime, after all – and wake up in the morning with her before spending another day watching over her. Already, he was excited; he’d taken both days off work so that he didn’t have to worry about the trip or any time lost. When else could he spend such an important day with his child?

As the evening came, Annette grew tired. Braev and Mahzer took their leave, and Alternis busied himself with taking care of his daughter, giving Ringabel and Edea a break. The two deserved it, he supposed. They were free to do whatever disgustingly romantic stuff they wanted to do as he gave Annette a bath, brushed out her hair, changed her into a cute pair of pajamas, and took her to bed for a bedtime story.

“Read the one about the Chompers,” Edea told him through a yawn. “She really likes it when you do the sound effects. The book is in her room.”

“Chomp chomp,” Ringabel added with a nod of his head. He and Edea were sitting at the kitchen table, cups of coffee in front of them. “Be very loud and you’ll make her laugh.”

“She should be sleeping, not laughing,” Alternis told them both with a frown, Annette on his hip. She was already leaning her head against his shoulder. “Is this why you’re both so tired all the time? You get her wound up instead of down?”

“It’ll be fine,” Edea waved a hand. “She’ll go to sleep! Eventually! Her bedtime has nothing to do with us being tired. Easy for you to say, considering that you don’t live with her… it’s just part of having a toddler. You’ll see it tonight.”

Hmph. Far be it for him to tell them how to raise a child – even if he had spent months reading up on the most current material during the time he’d been pretending to be Ringabel – but Annette was his daughter. Surely he had rights to tell them about her bedtime.

That could come later. For now, she was yawning as he tucked her into the covers of the guest bed he would be using during the night.

“Chompers, is it…” He’d made a detour to her room to pick up the book and now he held it in both hands as he sat on the edge of the bed. He room, despite actually having a crib in it, was usually only used to keep her toys and clothes. She normally slept in the bed with Edea and Ringabel, for various reasons. Not least to help keep her warm during Eternia’s cold nights, but also to make sure she felt safe and secure. It was for that reason that she’d be co-sleeping with Alternis instead, again, to give the other two a break.

A break they would take full advantage of.

Half an hour later he was reading the story for the fifth time. “And Chomper said…”

“Chomp chomp!” Annette cried with him, clapping her hands together. “Chomp chomp!”

It was too cute, he could hardly take it, and this was after he’d read the story so often he practically had it memorized now. He reached over to ruffle her hair. “Chomp chomp.”

“Chomp,” she repeated, gnashing her teeth together. “Chomp.”

“Don’t bite Daddy,” he hastened to say when she snapped her mouth at him, pulling his hand back before she could sink her baby teeth into the sensitive flesh. “Good chompers don’t bite Daddy.”

“Daddy chomp.”

“No, daddy not chomp,” he argued. Where were her manners? What terrible things was Ringabel teaching her? “Annette sleep.”

“No… want chomp.”

He sighed.

“One last time, but then you’ll sleep, won’t you?”

She would, in fact, not sleep after one last retelling of the story. So instead, he resorted to drastic measures. Climbing into the bed beside her, he tugged the blanket up over her shoulder and starting humming.

She leaned her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes as she listened to him. Thank goodness, he thought, because if she hadn’t wanted to listen to him humming he would have possibly had to start singing, and no one wanted that. He ran his hand over the top of her head, smoothing down the hair that had started to curl up as it dried from her earlier bath, wild and loose. It was the same color as his own, a platinum blonde that looked almost white in the dim light of the room.

After what felt like too long a time, she went limp, falling asleep to the tuneless humming. He knew lullabies – had researched a few during those months that he’d masqueraded as his other self – but none of them had seemed to fit right now. Florem lullabies felt even more inappropriate, though they’d been one of the few high points of his childhood. No, he liked the tuneless noises instead, and judging by the way she slept, so did she.

With a sigh, he rolled her off his shoulder and back onto the pillow, tucking the blanket firmly around her. Now what to do…? He could rejoin Edea and Ringabel downstairs, but why? All they would talk about would be Annette, or about work, or about Eternia. Or he could have a few moments to himself, some peace and quiet, and the couple could have the same.

Crawling out of bed as carefully as he ever had, he crossed over to his luggage to take out his journal and sketchbook. Best to get started with that, he supposed. There was a lot to write about of the day, and a few moments that he wanted to preserve in sketches, including, now that he looked at it, how sweet Annette looked while she slept.

The room had a desk, and it was at the desk that he hunched over, writing about the day’s events, categorizing how the birthday party had gone as well as his feelings over it. Sketches of Annette with cake all over her face, of her in her new birthday dress, of Edea holding her as she opened up presents…

He was definitely turning into one of _those_ parents, wasn’t he? It was just as well, he thought, as he added in more details to Edea’s smiling face. Neither he nor Edea had one of _those_ parents growing up - he hadn’t had parents period, after all. The streets had raised him, hatred had carried him into adolescence, and even after the Grand Marshal – after Braev – had taken him in, that same hatred had fueled his growth into an adult. Braev had been a parental figure, but one that Alternis had held at arm’s length throughout his teenagehood and well into his adult years. Even now, there was a separation between them that was impossible to overcome. And while Braev may have doted on Edea when she was younger, his expectations of her had grown beyond that. He’d become an idol that she needed to impress, rather than a father she felt comfortable speaking to.

Alternis wanted Annette to have the childhood he’d never had a chance to have. She was already well on her way to that – she wasn’t on the streets, wasn’t starving, would never have to deal with the things that he did, if he had any say in it - but that included her parents being love and present. He’d do that for her.

He was midway through another sketch when _it_ started.

It was a rhythmic noise that he almost didn’t notice at first, if not for how persistent it was. He could have otherwise mistaken it for the wind outside, a snowstorm that rattled the windows, except this noise was coming from inside. It was almost like the sound of something hitting the wall, along with the squeak of – oh.

“You have got to be …” They had to be _joking_ , correct? Surely they weren’t -- !

Oh, but they were.

A moan punctuated the noise, and he felt his face heat up, his entire being suddenly feeling far too warm for Eternia’s usual climate. No, no, no. He wasn’t going to sit here and listen to this…! Anything but this!

He turned desperately to the bed, hoping that Annette had been woken by the noise so that he might have some excuse to gather her up and flee the premises, but she was still asleep, her cherubic face turned into the pillow, eyelashes still resting on her cheeks. For a moment he paced uncertainly, the rhythm of flooding through him in tangent with his heartbeat. He was going to be sick, he felt.

Then, seeing no other way about it, he made sure she was tucked in securely, that the fire was banked, and he fled the room, leaving the door open so that he might hear her if she were to begin to cry.

In the hallway though, the noise was _worse._

For some ungodly reason, the couple had left the door to their suite open; his guest room was only a couple of doors down the hall and he could clearly see the dark sliver of the opening. Now that he was in the hallway, he could clearly hear all the noises the two were making – Ringabel’s grunts, in time with the sound of the bed springs, and Edea’s moans of pleasure to counter him. They flooded through his veins, down his spine, and settled into his loins, a different sort of warmth aside from humiliation filling him.

This was pathetic. _He_ was pathetic.

And yet…

He found himself settling down in the lavatory. His trousers were pushed down to his ankles, his top was pulled up over his chest, and he took himself in hand with no small amount of embarrassment. If Edea and Ringabel were to find out about this… he’d never hear the end of it. He’d want to kill himself again, this time out of pure humiliation. That train of thought didn’t stop him from stroking himself, root to tip, in time with the bed springs under the force of Ringabel’s thrusts… or perhaps, Edea was on top? She had liked to be on top a few times while they were together, and it was just as pleasurable as the other way around. Either way, the two of them sounded like they were enjoying the peace and quiet, and here he was, eavesdropping on such intimate moments.

Shameful, shameful!

And yet, he couldn’t stop touching himself as his imagination ran wild, picturing Edea and Ringabel in the throes of passion together. Edea’s noises were just as he remembered from his time as ‘Ringabel’, and while his heart raced at the memory, it wasn’t enough to get him to stop. Ringabel was a good deal more quiet than he had imagined, less performative at night then he was during the day. It almost didn’t suit the other man, as flamboyant as he carried himself, and yet in a way it did seem fitting. He was focused on his wife, rather than on his appearances, focused on bringing pleasure to them both.

He finished the same time that they did, Edea’s cries reaching a fever pitch. She was saying words - words that he couldn’t _quite_ make out through the door to the lavatory and the distance between the rooms, but he could only imagine what they were. It was likely the same things she had said to him during their moments together – again, his heart jumped at the painful memory – cries for more, for love, for _him._

He was despicable.

With shaking hands he cleaned himself up, taking a shower as if an excuse for being in the lavatory in the first place, and using the hot water to cleanse his shame away, the water so hot that it scalded his skin and made him shake uncontrollably. He cried until his throat felt as raw as the skin on his back.

They wouldn’t like that, he realized, wouldn’t like that he’d hurt himself in his distress, but well – they’d started it, he thought contritely, then immediately felt even more foolish for such thoughts. This was their home, their relationship, and he was only a guest to both. For him to have intruded on one of their most private moments… he was an awful person.

Tears rolled down his cheeks, not least because of the stinging of his skin, but because of the ache in his chest. Soon, he was numb to all pain, and left the shower to return back to his room. Annette was still asleep there, after all, and if she were to wake up alone she would be upset. He could survive a night in this house, he thought. Just one.

Edea was standing outside the lavatory door when he opened it. Her hair was a mess, her cheeks splotchy and red, and her dressing gown loose around her shoulders. She looked good. She looked far too similar to the Edea of his worst memories and his heart jumped painfully at the reminder. He took a step back.

“I didn’t know you were still awake,” she said, though she didn’t look surprised. Then, her eyes narrowed and she peered at his face, leaning in more closely. “Are you okay?”

“I’m… fine,” he lied, leaning away. His skin was red and painful, but he was… fine. He had to be fine because the alternative meant that he was spiraling into a dark place again, and that couldn’t be happening. He wouldn’t let it happen. “Just taking a shower before I turn in for the night.”

She didn’t seem convinced, judging by the way that her eyes continued to cast over his face. She opened her mouth as if to argue, thought better of it, and instead turned toward her bedroom door. “I wanted to do the same, but then I heard you, and… I’ll see you tomorrow morning?”

“Y-yes,” he stuttered. So she wasn’t going to ask about his red neck or face. Most of the rest of his skin was covered by his clothing. Thank goodness for cold Eternian winters that called for long-sleeves and pants. “Tomorrow morning.”

Still, she didn’t walk away, instead lingering by the door. “You’d tell me if something was wrong, wouldn’t you?”

“Of course I would, my lord,” he replied, the name slipping out easily. Yes, he would be open and honest with the Grand Marshal if something were wrong that she could help with, but this was all him. He was disgusting, was a shameful excuse of a Dark Knight, of a friend, of a brother… she didn’t need to know his inner most thoughts.

Her hands went to her hips, and the robe slipped enough to show a sliver of her bare chest. “Alternis! I mean that as your friend, not as your lord. You know that.”

“I know that,” he parroted. “Everything is fine, Edea. Thank you for your concern, but I should be going back to my room now. Annette is still asleep.”

She sighed. “Alright, alright. We’ll talk in the morning. Really talk, I mean.”

With a nod of their heads, they parted ways.

In his room, Annette was still asleep, though she had shifted and was now sleeping on her knees. How that could be comfortable, Alternis didn’t know, but it was a with a chuckle that he slipped his hands on her stomach and picked her up, straightening her out more properly and pressing a stuffed toy into her hand to clutch. Then he changed, wincing as the fabric of his clothing scratched painfully across his reddened, sensitive skin. Even the softness of his pajamas was like pinpricks, and he gingerly sat on the edge of the bed, wondering if perhaps he should take a potion or tough it out until morning.

There was a knock on the door. Ringabel, probably. Alternis sighed; he should have expected this.

“Come in,” he called, his voice quiet as possible. Still, Annette stirred.

Ringabel poked his head in. His hair was loose, down around his shoulders and curling about his chin. It was a good look for him, Alternis thought with a jolt, along with the way his cheeks were still flushed with exertion.

“Edea said you were awake,” the other man said.

“I’m awake,” Alternis told him quietly, one eye on the sleeping child nearby. “However, Annette isn’t. Keep it down or _you_ will get to put her to sleep again. She could even join you and Edea if you’d like.”

Ringabel made a face, and Alternis felt a surge of satisfaction that he’d gotten Ringabel right where it hurt. The man was _enjoying_ the privacy with his wife, after all, judging by what had been overheard. No, no, he needed to stop dwelling on it…

“She said you looked like you were in pain,” Ringabel added, his voice barely above a whisper.

Heat that was not from his scalded skin flooded his face. Humiliation, his old friend. “I’m not in pain,” he lied. “Everything is fine. No need for your concern.”

“Hmm,” Ringabel said, looking him over. “You look hot. Fever?”

“No.”

“Fire too much?”

“No…”

“Water temperature in the shower too high?”

Dammit. “It was perhaps a bit high,” Alternis confessed. “I’m not used to your shower and how it works.”

“Hmm,” Ringabel mused, hand on his chin. “You should have come and asked us if you weren’t sure. We’ve been awake.”

“I know,” Alternis replied, and when he saw the way that Ringabel’s eyebrows lifted up into his hair, realized his mistake. He felt like squirming. “I…”

Ringabel crossed the room to sit on the edge of the bed beside him, taking care to the toddler that was still asleep. Alternis scooted over to give him more room and to put space between them. Whatever Ringabel was going to say, he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear it.

“You should take a potion,” Ringabel said, his voice quiet but firm. “That looks painful.”

“It’s – “

“If you say that it’s fine I’m going to punch you,” Ringabel threatened, lifting a hand. Alternis lifted his own in return – as if he would let Ringabel just punch him and get away with it! “It’s not fine, not if you’re hurting. You know you should be honest about what’s bothering you, and reddened skin is probably among that.”

“I’ve had worse.” That at least, was true. Ringabel rolled his eyes.

“This isn’t about what you’ve had in the past. This is about here and now, Alternis. What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Alternis replied, because he wasn’t about to tell Ringabel that he’d just masturbated to the sounds of their coupling and felt dirty in the aftermath, that the only way he’d thought to cleanse himself was to burn his skin raw. “Nothing is going on.” 

Ringabel didn’t look convinced. The two men sat in silence for a few moments. Alternis was comfortable with the silence. As the Dark Knight of Eternia, he was used to interrogating his captives. Silence was a weapon, meant to break them down. _He_ wouldn’t break, not even against another Dark Knight.

Eventually, Ringabel stood up. “At the very least… wait here another moment.” He left the room.

Alternis sighed. What now? What was Ringabel going to subject him to? Torture?

It would have better to have been torture, he thought a few minutes later when Ringabel reappeared. He could deal with that. This… he wasn’t sure. In Ringabel’s hands there was a small container of some sort of balm. What for, he could only imagine. He groaned.

“There’s no need for you to trouble yourself,” he started, only to be cut off with a glare.

“You’re a guest in my home and our shower burnt you. Let me tend to your skin or Edea will be upset with us both in the morning.” Ringabel paused, then added. “And Annette will be sad if she can’t cuddle you tomorrow because you’re sensitive. Think about her, why don’t you?”

As he had before, Alternis felt blackmailed. He stiffened with distaste, but after a few moments, reached up to peel away his shirt from his shoulders, which had received the worst of the heat. Practice kept his face unmoved, though his body screamed in pain. “Ah…”

“What are you, a child trying to hide your pain to seem strong?” Ringabel chided, sitting beside him. “Face away from me.”

“Keep it down,” Alternis hissed, ever mindful of the sleeping toddler. Though facing away from Ringabel meant that he could bite his lip at the contact of Ringabel’s fingers, balm-covered or not , against his burns. “Annette is sleeping.”

“Right. You too.”

The balm was _heavenly_ against his scalded skin. He dropped his chin to his chest, eyes slipping shut as Ringabel’s fingers gently caressed his shoulders with the greasy stuff, covering every inch. Immediately upon contact, the skin felt cooler, less tight, less hurt. He found himself unable to fuss even when Ringabel pulled his top up and over his head to reveal the skin of his back, which was also reddened.

“You really did a number on yourself,” Ringabel murmured, going to work on Alternis’s back. “A potion would probably be more effective.”

“I told you,” Alternis slurred, his eyes fluttering. “Everything is fine.” Ringabel was pushing in a little more than was probably necessary in some spots, which was _painful_ but in a very, very good way. He was sore in those spots, his muscles tight from years of misuse, and now Ringabel was massaging in circles right across his shoulder blades, and it was taking all of his self-control not to groan. How long had it been since he’d been touched in such a way?

Some of that self-control slipped, and a moan crossed his lips. Tears rolled down his cheeks.

“You’re so _tight_ ,” Ringabel said, pushing in with his thumbs right at the center of the soreness. “You need to take better care of yourself.”

“I’m fine!” Alternis barked, then tensed. He’d forgotten…

They both held their breaths as Annette stirred, rolled over, and then tugged her stuffed animal closer to her chest, still asleep.

“Lay down beside her,” Ringabel suggested. “I’ll keep working on your back.”

Alternis wanted to tell him to screw off, to go back to his room, back to his wife, where he could enjoy the rest of his night and Alternis could remain by himself, in pain and discomfort. But then Ringabel pressed back into the abused muscles of his shoulders and his argument and words fled his brain. “Very well,” he managed to breathe, and squirmed his way into the bedcovers, laying out on his stomach with his head cushioned by his arms. Annette’s feet kicked into his side, but even that was not enough to deter him.

It didn’t seem to deter Ringabel either, who covered his hands in more of the balm and began to both spread it over the whole expanse of Alternis’s back, and also massage the muscles there. Alternis pressed his face into his arms, letting them muffle any noise he might make as the pain was slowly caressed away.

Not that he minded the pain. It was an exquisite sort, one that sent tingles down his spine and into his loins, reminding him of the best parts of his power. He could savor _this_ type of pain, as his muscles were released from knots that they’d been part of for years, as the red skin of his back was soothed and healed from his earlier abuse, as gentle warmth spread down his shoulders and back.

Eventually, Ringabel pulled back, leaving Alternis laying there with balm cooling on his very hot skin. This time, however, the hotness was not due to the scald, it was due to all the released tension in his form.

“Goodnight then,” Ringabel said, sounding amused. “I’ll turn off the lights.”

“Goodnight,” Alternis replied. He wouldn’t have gotten up even if he could. His body felt too languid for such a thing, and while his back was no longer screaming in pain, he felt so relaxed that he could have fallen asleep with the lights on.

With the lights off, and no longer being in pain, his fall into sleep was almost instant.

He woke when a tiny little foot stabbed itself into his side. Grunting with displeasure, he rolled over away from the offending foot… and right onto the floor.

Giggles erupted from the bed.

“Good morning, Annette,” he muttered, scrubbing his hand down his face. Ow. His back flared up, and he sucked in a breath, arching slightly to alleviate the pain.

“Hi Daddy,” she replied, sounding the very definition of innocence, as if she hadn’t just kicked him out of bed. He sat up, head level with the top of the bed, and reached over to ruffle her hair. It was wild and free, badly needing to be brushed, which he decided would be Ringabel’s job, as payback for last night.

Before that, however, it would be Alternis’s responsibility to dress her and himself for the day.

His back and shoulders were much improved, even if the skin was still red, still peeling in places. But the balm that Ringabel had used had done wonders and it didn’t _hurt_ as he dressed, nor when he picked up his toddler so that he could dress her as well.

Downstairs, when they were both mostly presentable, Edea was already awake. Ringabel seemed to be sleeping in. Considering how late they had been awake last night, Alternis supposed he couldn’t blame him.

“I’ll brush her hair,” Edea said, sounding amused at the sight. “You should take a potion.” She already had one out, which she nudged over toward him.

“Did Ringabel talk to you?” Alternis asked her, suspicious.

“No, I was asleep when he came back to bed last night. I know he was going over to talk to you, but…” she shrugged. “You look like you have a bad sunburn, only we both know that’s rare in Eternia. Come on, get to it.”

With a sigh, he picked up the potion, uncorked it, and swallowed it down. Relief instantly flooded through him, a cool sensation that had his head spinning. He sighed.

“See? Isn’t that much better?” Edea patted him roughly on the back, with such force that he almost fell forward.

“I suppose so,” he replied. Yes, he did feel better, but he wasn’t sure how he felt admitting as much. “I’m not used to your shower temperature controls, that’s all.”

She looked as though she didn’t quite believe him, but Annette was tugging at her sleeve now, and so instead of arguing, she focused her energy on her daughter. “Daddy’s being dumb again, isn’t he?” she asked the girl.

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah!” Annette said. “I hungry.”

“We’ll talk later,” Edea said, to his frustration. He wanted to argue that they didn’t need to _talk_ , but she was already picking Annette up and moving toward the kitchen. Besides, he’d promised himself he would watch his temper around his daughter and wouldn’t argue with others in front of her. “I’m hungry too.”

She was always hungry, he thought. Then again… that was part of her charm.

Ringabel joined them after breakfast was done, helping himself to leftovers and a cup of coffee. The four of them made themselves comfortable in the sitting room afterwards, Annette swooping down onto the floor with her presents from yesterday.

“So…” Ringabel said after a few minutes of comfortable silence. Alternis braced himself. “About last night.”

“Must we?” Alternis asked by way of reply. He was done with last night. After sleeping, he felt far and removed from the events of the previous day, and he wanted to keep it that way.

“We must,” Edea told him. “We know that you heard us.”

He flushed hotly, his cheeks suddenly far too warm, far too tight. “I… perhaps I did. _You_ left your door open. Anyone would have heard you!”

“Yes, we…” Ringabel cast a glance toward the girl who was playing on the floor, and apparently seemed to change what he was about to say. “We left it open for a reason.”

Surely he hadn’t heard him correctly. Alternis’s mind all but shorted out as the words hit him. “For… a reason? What possible reason could you have?” he hissed. The warmth in his cheeks was pure heat now, humiliation and anger instead of embarrassment. How dare they? Did they intend for him to hear, then? To rub their relationship into his face, remind him of what he couldn’t have? How _dare_ they!

He’d thought them friends – no, family. But what sort of family did that to one of their own? His eyes felt hot as well.

“It’s not what you think,” Edea hastened to clarify.

“You don’t know what I think,” he bit back. What he thought? When had they ever cared about his thoughts or his feelings? He stood, intent on fleeing the room, the house, the _city_ – going back to Central Command where he could be alone as he was destined to be.

Edea grabbed his hand. “Wait, please wait! Let us explain.”

“Then _explain!”_ he shouted.

Annette began to cry, and the argument fizzled out in an instant as all three adults turned to her. She was sitting on the floor, doll in arms, wailing at the top of her lungs. Alternis felt his anger fizzle out, to be quickly replaced with remorse. He’d done that.

“Alright, alright, enough shouting,” Ringabel murmured, sliding down onto the floor. Annette threw herself at him, buried her face into his shoulder. “Darling, we’re sorry. We didn’t mean to upset you.” He kissed the top of her head. Edea kneeled beside him, hand on her daughter’s back, rubbing in gentle circles. She gestured to Alternis.

He hesitated. They looked perfect together, and he was the one who had made her cry. What part did he have here? And yet… that was _his_ daughter, the one he’d had with Edea, and that was a bond that Ringabel could never have. He woodenly lowered himself to the floor as well, kneeling beside the others.

Annette peeled her teary face away from Ringabel’s shoulder to look at him. “Daddy no mad,” she whimpered. “No mad.”

“I’m not mad,” he replied. A lie. “Not at you, my daughter.” Not a lie. He opened his arms and she shimmied over into them, tucking her head against his chest. He cuddled her tightly, rubbing her back until she stopped crying.

Edea sighed. “This isn’t really the place for the conversation, but…”

“We left the door open for a reason. Next time, you’re welcome to join us,” Ringabel said frankly, interrupting her. Both Edea and Alternis jumped.

“Ringabel!” Edea hissed. “Do you have to put it that way? Right now?”

“Imagine a _ménage à trois_ ,” Ringabel continued, ignoring her. “Just imagine it.”

Imagine it? He would do more than just imagine it.


	5. ménage à trois

“’Imagine a _ménage à trois’,_ he says, and then just sits there expecting me to answer him!” Alternis ranted, clutching a pillow tight to his chest. He didn’t normally lie down for his therapy sessions but it was either this or pacing, and Gannon had already asked him not to wear holes in the carpet. “ _A ménage à trois_!” he echoed with vehemence. “Do you know what that means?!”

“I do know what that phrase means,” Gannon replied with vaguely veiled amusement. “Do you?”

“Yes – of course I know!” Despite his anger, Alternis felt his face heat up. He’d spend the past two days imagining exactly what ménage à trois meant. He’d looked up the term – just to be sure that it _was_ what he thought, then worried if Ringabel was using the same definition, then had been keep himself preoccupied with fantasies over what they truly meant. “I know what it means. And what he meant.”

“What did you do after?”

“What did I do? What was I supposed to do but flee the room?” Alternis asked.

He’d stood agape, his face hot and his mouth open while Edea admonished her husband for his ‘language in front of the baby’ and for ‘springing it on Alternis’, though not for the invitation itself. Then, when they both turned to him, he had stuttered some excuse about work and all but run from the room, back upstairs to pack so that he could leave, to give himself some time to think. Edea had run after him, and he’d been force to reassure her that he would rejoin them for dinner within a few days before she’d let him pass.

With an answer? She had asked, her hand over her chest.

W-with an answer, he’d promised, and she looked so relieved that he wanted to shout out an answer right then and there, were it not for the panic in his chest. The panic died down only slightly when she leaned in to kiss his cheek, but was enough for him to say goodbye to his daughter, and to Ringabel, who looked like the cat that got into the cream.

The day’s work had been unproductive, to say the least, and even now, two days later, nerves vibrated under his skin. Thank goodness Gannon had had an open appointment for him to be seen, otherwise he was sure that he would be crying over it by now. As it was, his eyes felt painfully hot.

“I feel like they’re making fun of me,” he confessed. “They know I’m in love with Edea and they’re being mean about it.”

“Why do you think they’re making fun of you?” Gannon asked patiently.

“Ringabel’s an odd man. He’s always going on and on about love and how special it is. He’s threatened to show me his love once or twice… I usually ignore him. Now, he’s invited me to sleep with his wife? Not even he would do that… would he? Why now? And why would she seem to be okay with it?”

“In this setting, he’d be there too,” his doctor reminded him. “It’d be the three of you, just as the three of you have been raising that little girl. Perhaps that’s why he invited you to join their marriage bed as well. I wouldn’t know… that’s a question you would need to ask them.”

Alternis groaned. Ask them? Why would he ask them for the reasons behind their temporary insanity?

“You did say that they told you they left their bedroom door open for a reason. Maybe they wanted you to join them that night. If so, they’ve been considering it for a while.”

He flushed. He had never even considered barging in on their private time together. Perhaps… listening in on it. Maybe even setting his eyes upon it, if he felt particularly daring. But joining them? Beyond him. Right?

What sort of person did they take him for?

Apparently, a different person than he thought himself.

"Are you considering it?" Gannon asked. "How do you feel about the proposition?"

"I don't… know." That it wasn't a flat-out no was already shocking to him. That he was even considering it seemed strange. And yet, he knew why. The idea of being skin-to-skin with another person was so enticing that it made his mouth water. Having that type of direct contact, which he had gone for so long without, already flooded him with warm anticipation. "I don't know why they would offer. What would I bring to them?"

"You know who can answer that question?"

He sighed. "I haven't spoken to Edea about it. We've barely been talking about anything that isn't work related." He was too scared to bring up the invitation; she was apparently too embarrassed, judging by the way her cheeks flushed every time their conversations drifted even remotely away from work. He hadn't seen Ringabel, but he imagined _that_ man wasn't embarrassed by anything. 

.. maybe it was time to pay him a visit.

After his session, the remainder of which he continued to bemoan the unfairness of life as well as how his new medication was treating him, he decided to pay a visit to Edea's manor.

His sessions always took place in Eternia; the trip was refreshing and helped clear his mind. It also meant that it took him very little time to cross town to get to the manor, where he knocked on the door.

Edea was still at work, which meant that it was Ringabel who answered the door. "Alternis, hello! The butler told me that you were here."

They had servants; a butler and two maids who doubled as cooks, and helped Ringabel around the house while he watched the little girl. Alternis thought them quite nice and sufficient, partially because he'd been involved in the hiring process. Security reasons and everything. Background checks for the Grand Marshal's private help had to be thorough.

"Did he?" Alternis asked, sweeping inside as Ringabel let him in. It was cold out. It was always cold out, even in March. "Why didn't he answer the door?"

"You're my brother," Ringabel answered simply.

His brother… all that did was remind Alternis of the absurd proposition, and he felt his face heat up. Well, the cold of Eternia wouldn't bother him now, would it?

"We're not brothers," he hissed. 

They were the _same person._ Had shared the same 23 years of their life before Ringabel’s had found his destroyed and rebuilt, bit by bit, into what it was now. Alternis still didn’t think it was very fair. He had a lot of opinions about it all, least of which was how their cover story would look _now._

"We're not," Ringabel admitted. "I wouldn't ask my brother to be in a relationship with me. Even I have limits, you know."

There it was! So quick and casual, just mentioning the relationship thing! Alternis's cheeks felt tight. Ringabel gave him a knowing smirk before leading him through the hall and to the stairs. "In any case, my _dear_ , to what do I owe the visit? Why are you in Eternia? I thought you worked today."

He didn't know how he felt about being called dear, but he could at least answer the question."I had an appointment with Dr. Gannon."

"Oh? How did it go? It's not your usual day, is it?" Ringabel stopped to check himself out in the mirror. Alternis stopped to roll his eyes.

"It went fine. I asked him if he had any openings. I had…" He'd had an urgent need to talk to someone, but how to explain that without sounding like an idiot? Ringabel glanced at him through the reflection.

"No need to give me the details," the other man assured him, reaching out to pat his back. The touch tingled. "We're happy you're still seeing someone when you need to. That's all. So you decided to stop by after?"

"I left work early. Edea won't be expecting me back." He'd hardly been able to stand being in the same room with her as it was. He'd muttered some excuse about returning later in the night before leaving, intent on doing _something_ with his time until she left Central Command for her home. The home that he was now standing in.

Ringabel lead him to the playroom where Annette was busying herself with some blocks. The butler was standing to the side, watching her.

"Thanks," Ringabel told him. "We'll take it from here."

"Hi Daddy!" Annette said cheerfully, waving a block at him. Alternis waved back, before sinking down onto the couch in the room. Ringabel joined him, draping an arm around Alternis's shoulders.

In another world, another life, Alternis would have shoved his arm away. Maybe punched him. Certainly, he would have yelled. But at this moment, with all the conflicting feelings swirling within him, he leaned, ever so slightly, until the touch. Ringabel squeezed him, and they sat in silence for a few moments, watching Annette build a small city out of her blocks.

"Why?" Alternis finally asked.

"Why what?" 

"Why are you offering…. What you're offering. Why are you doing _this?"_ He gestured to the arm that was still around him.

"Why indeed?" Ringabel said, squeezing him once more. "Perhaps because… it's the right thing to do?"

"That's… it?" The right thing to do? What did that even mean? Suddenly, he felt cold. Were they pitying him? Was that what this was all about? He shoved himself out of the embrace, standing. Annette looked up at him, and he stilled.

"Daddy?"

Ringabel stood as well. "Why don't we put her down for a nap?" he suggested. "Then you and I can talk as long as we need to."

Putting Annette down for a nap was easier said than done. It took both of them no small amount of effort to get her to sleep, with Alternis finally climbing into bed with her and pretending to sleep for what felt like hours. The first two times he opened his eyes to check on her she had been still awake, staring at him with hazel eyes like a serial killer. The third time was the charm; her eyes closed and her breathing even, and sliding out of the bed without waking her was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do.

Ringabel was waiting for him in the study.

"Now we can talk," the other man said, stretching out on the loveseat. Rather than sit beside him, Alternis stood.

"Why are you doing this?" Alternis asked again. "Why suggest a - suggest what you did? If it's pity, I swear that - "

"It's not pity," Ringabel interrupted, holding up a hand. "Edea and I had a long talk about our relationship. About you. About _us_. You don't think this is a whim, do you?"

"Then what is it?" Alternis demanded, beginning to pace. He needed to move, to do something with the energy vibrating under his skin. "If it's not pity, then…"

"Would you believe me if I said it was love?" Ringabel asked, looking tired. "That we want to make sure you're loved, as you deserve to be?"

"Love?" That was absurd. People like him didn't deserve love. He was lucky that he had a child who loved him, and family who cared for him, but… love? His eyes watered. He could only wish that someone would love him the way he desired, but that boat had long sailed.

"Yes," Ringabel said patiently. "Love. We love you."

"That's a lie," Alternis bit, but his heart was racing. How easily Ringabel had said those words.

Ringabel smiled, borderline smirked. "Is it? You know how vast _my_ love is. As far as Edea… you and Edea have a bond that she and I don't. Not only with Annette, but with the time spent together while you were using my face and name. She knew it was you, but she was scared to admit it. Now that she's no longer scared, that means she can be more open about the fact that she _enjoyed_ her time with you. She loves you."

He paused.

"This should be coming from her. Have you talked to her at all?"

Edea… loved him? Alternis wanted to laugh. He wanted to rage. He wanted to cry. The tears won out, and he found himself burying his face into his hands, his shoulders shaking.

Arms wrapped around him, and he was pulled into Ringabel's embrace once more. Instead of shrugging it off, he _clung_ to the other man, pressing his face into Ringabel's shoulder to hide the tears. 

For long moments, they stood there together, Alternis weeping into his counterpart's shoulder. It couldn't be true. It just couldn't. This was a cruel joke. Edea couldn't love him. He wasn't deserving of her love, as much as he craved it. And yet… a part of him, buried deep down, was _happy_. 

Love! Edea loved him! Loved him enough to want him in her marriage bed. And Ringabel… Ringabel was kissing his head, murmuring quiet words of reassurance into his ear as he rubbed his back. The other man's love was apparent in each kiss, each caress.

Eventually, Alternis was nudged to sit down on the couch. He went readily, sinking down with exhaustion. His nerves were all aflame from the revelation, and he desperately wanted to run back to his therapist to talk about what had happened. Instead, he leaned into Ringabel.

"You don't have to say yes," Ringabel told him quietly. They were sitting very close together, thighs and hips and stomachs touching. He was practically in Ringabel's lap. "We offered it to you because we wanted you to be a part of our relationship as you _deserve_ to be. But ultimately, my love, it's up to you."

The pet name… Alternis groaned. He could get used to that. Already, it made him alight with joy.

Then as he was processing everything, he felt the press of lips against his own and gasped. 

When was the last time he had been kissed? When was the last time he had been kissed like this - _so gently,_ Ringabel's lips soft and warm against his own. There was barely any pressure and yet each touch was like a fire in his heart. Alternis grasped Ringabel's arms as he kissed back, squeezing harshly with his hands even as the kiss itself was soft and kind, his lips molding easily against identical ones. 

They parted.

"That wasn't so hard, was it?" Ringabel asked him, sounding amused. 

"Shut up," Alternis snapped, but there was hardly any bite to his words. Not now, not after _that_. He found himself rocking, wrapping his arms around himself as he tried to process everything that had happened in the past… however long it had been. Time was meaningless. Hours? Minutes? He wasn't sure.

Arms wrapped around him once more, holding him still. "I love you," Ringabel said easily. "We love you. Won't you join us sometime?"

"I…"

"When I said ‘ _ménage à trois_ ," Ringabel continued, as if Alternis hadn't said anything at all. "I meant it. Edea and I have been talking, and we want you to be with us. Not just… in our bed, but in our house. With our child. In our marriage. Won't that be fun?"

"You have an odd idea of fun," Alternis muttered. His heart raced. In their house? With their daughter? In their _marriage?_ Was this reality or was he dreaming? If this was a dream, it was cruel.

"So I've been told."

"I thought you were straight," Alternis said, confused.

"Oh, I am," Ringabel laughed, having the grace to look a bit embarrassed and awkward. "I'm not into men. But this isn't about whether I'm sexually attracted to you, which I'm _not_ , I must say." He paused, then shook his head and continued. "This is about whether or not you are capable of being loved by two people who want you to know your value and your worth. No, I mean - you _are_ loved."

He needed to make a decision.

The decision could come after Annette woke from her nap, energized and ready to play. It could come after Alternis took a nap of his own, his nerves rubbed raw. It could come after the maids started to make dinner, and after Edea returned home from work, surprised but pleased to see Alternis there in the playroom along with Annette and Ringabel.

"Hi!" she said. "So this is where you've been." He was still groggy from his nap, so all he did was nod. She smiled at him. "It's good to take a break now and then."

"Oh, we've been taking more than a break," Ringabel teased. 

She raised an eyebrow. "You can't say that and not explain! Don't keep me in suspense, Ringabel."

"Let's just say we had a long talk about … well, everything," said Ringabel, wrapping an arm around his wife's shoulders. She snuggled into him, draping her arm around his waist. With his other hand, he gestured to Alternis.

He hesitated. He had all but accepted the idea they'd proposed to him, but acceptance was different than putting it into practice.

"Come here," Edea said, reaching out. She wiggled her fingers, and he found himself placing his hand in hers. With strength that belied her small form, she yanked him close. He stumbled over his feet, stumbled into them, and their free arms wrapped around him, making sure that he didn't fall. "Woah there."

"I - I was pulled," he protested, his arm sliding around her waist. It shocked him, how easily that movement came. His other hand clutched Ringabel's sleeve. "I would hardly have stumbled if you had only warned me."

She beamed up at him, his heart flipping over at the sight. How he had missed her smile… and so close! He squeezed her waist. "It's just one surprise after another," she told him. "So… does this mean what I think it means?"

His breath came out a gasp. "Perhaps," he said slowly. "Perhaps it does."

He still didn't know. He _wanted_ it. Wanted to believe that people loved him. That the people holding him now loved him. But old habits were hard to break, and his mind was reeling from Ringabel's earlier words. His actions. His kiss.

Edea leaned up to kiss his cheek.

He looked down at her, licking his lips. A kiss on the cheek was fine, he thought. He could do that… and perhaps a bit more. He hadn't kissed Edea since the last night he'd masqueraded as Ringabel.

On the other hand, the last person he had kissed had been _Ringabel_. That wouldn't do.

He lowered his head to her just as she leaned up again, and they met in the middle, their lips pressing together. 

Unlike Ringabel, who took fastidious care of his appearance, her lips were chapped. Slightly bitten. But they were still warm and still soft, and he found himself whimpering into the kiss.

They parted.

"Careful," Edea told him, squeezing his hand. Ringabel squeezed him about the waist, too. "You don’t have to push yourself."

"I am not pushing myself," he murmured, feeling foolish. He was the Dark Knight of Eternia! He was _made_ to push himself to his limits and beyond, for the sake of his country. His Asterisk encouraged such behavior. This, however, was different. This wasn't pain. This was a feeling unlike anything other blossoming in his chest. He couldn't remember feeling this way before.

"If you say so," she replied, clearly unconvinced. Then, as if to test him, she leaned up for another kiss.

Challenge accepted, he thought stubbornly, kissing her back once more. This time, his lips were more sure. He didn't whimper. He merely squeezed his eyes shut, relishing the touch.

"Better," Edea mused after a moment. She leaned back to examine his face. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"

"It wasn't bad at all," Alternis replied, feeling contrite. He wasn't as fragile as they made him out to be, for heaven's sake! He was the Dark Knight, or wasn't he? He'd been through worse and survived. Things that had been _much_ worse than a few kisses. "I didn't mind it."

"Good! Good… good!" Edea said, sounding suddenly lost. "So uh… how do we do this?"

It was their idea, why were they asking him? He stared at her, unsure.

Ringabel kissed Alternis's cheek, then turned and kissed the top of Edea's head. "Start from the middle and work our way out, I assume."

"You'll move in with us?" Edea asked Alternis, sounding hopeful. "We can raise our daughter together more easily if you've moved in. We want you nearby, not in Central Command, if this is going to work."

Months ago, she had asked him the same thing. He'd turned her down, had been angry and hurt that she'd ever suggested it. Now, with different context, and different circumstances… he nodded, dazed.

"Yes, I'll move in." He would move into their home, and presumably into their bedroom if what they were implying was true. His stomach fluttered at the thought. "Guest bedroom?" he asked, just to be sure.

" _Our_ bedroom," Ringabel replied, sounding amused. "The bed is big enough for all of us."

"With room to spare," Edea mused. She broke away from them to sit down on the couch, her chin in her hands. "Of course, we'll need a place for all of your belongings. Our closet is getting a little tight."

"You _can_ still use the guest bedroom for that," Ringabel suggested. "For clothes and books and everything. And it might be good if he has his own space, just in case."

Just in case things didn't work out, Alternis thought. No, he'd make them work out. Being loved was the one thing he craved more than anything in the world. These three people in front of him - the third being Annette, who was currently playing with some loud toy - were some of _the_ most important people in his life. This should have been a dream come true.

He'd make this work, or die trying.

* * *

The first order of business was simple enough. He packed up his bedroom in Central Command, left behind a few essentials in case he ever needed to stay the night once more, and moved his belongings into Edea’s manor. If people thought it odd, they didn’t say so to his face, though he overheard a few whispers here and there from guards who didn’t see him.

Throughout the move, anxiety thrummed through him, enough to make him cry. Each time, either Ringabel or Edea would soothe him, their arms tight around his form as he cried until he couldn’t summon tears any longer, exhaustion overtaking his anxiety. Each time, they reassured him that their home was open to him now, and so were their arms, their bed, their love. By the end of it all, he felt so thoroughly sick that he fell ill for real, and the first two nights in his new home were spent sleeping off a fever.

The third night, however…

Nothing happened.

He was feeling better, no longer feverish or nauseated. His energy was back up. He could stomach food, even food as rich and heavy as their maids tended to cook. He was able to spend the evening with the family, playing with Annette and listening to Edea talk about work and everything that he had missed while ill, which made him regret not working. Though he had a feeling that if he had tried to work through his illness, she would have tied him down into his bed.

Then night came, and with it, bedtime.

“Annette sleeps with us at night,” Edea yawned as the four of them climbed up to her room to sleep. “The bed in her room is for naps only.”

He nodded. He knew that, and he agreed. It was too cold in Eternia for children to sleep on their own. It was traditional for them to sleep with their parents until they were of an age where they could regulate their own body temperature _and_ be able to communicate her needs to her parents. She still had a couple of years to go.

“Well, not only for naps,” Ringabel clarified. “If we’re anticipating that we’ll be … busy… we put her to sleep in her bed but fetch her before we sleep.”

Busy. A simple word.

Alternis flushed. “We won’t be busy tonight, will we?” He’d said ‘we’, he realized too late. Presumptuous! Perhaps he should have said ‘you’?

Edea and Ringabel exchanged a glance. “Not tonight,” Ringabel confessed. “We’re planning on easing into things slowly. Let’s just start with sharing a bed.”

“Like we did that one night that Annette was sick,” Edea chimed in. “Start small and work our way up to the real fun.”

The bed was big enough for all four of them and then some. Alternis stretched out, with the edge of the bed to one side and Annette to the other, the girl sleeping between her parents as she had the night of her fever. It felt right, he thought, as she snuggled into his embrace, always happy to have her daddy close by. Edea lay on her side, facing them, while Ringabel cuddled her from behind, one of his arms wrapped around her hips. The bed was warm and comfortable, and though uncertainty fluttered in his gut, he fell asleep fairly quickly, after only an hour or so of anxious thought.

Things would be alright… wouldn’t they?


	6. our hearts are not alone

Rise.

Say good morning to the three people rising at the same time as him.

Get dressed, go to work by way of a quick airship ride.

Have meetings, read through intelligence reports, and supervise military drills.

Go home in the evening by way of a quick airship ride.

Have a home-cooked meal.

Lounge around until time for bed. Work on painting or journaling. Spend time with family.

Go to sleep.

That was the pattern his life had been in the last few months, and suffice to say, it was a bit… boring.

He would lie if asked to admit it. Lie under duress or even torture, if it came to it. The pattern wasn’t _bad_ but it wasn’t _good_ either. It was a bit stale. He didn’t dislike it, but he was slowly started to not like it either.

“You think it’s boring, don’t you?” Ringabel asked him one night as Alternis wandered into the kitchen to check on dinner. Edea was still with Annette in the playroom.

“W-what is boring? Do not put words in my mouth,” Alternis snapped. His cheeks flooded with warmth. Damn Ringabel!

“You expected more.” Ringabel clarified, smiling. “And to be honest, so did we. But Edea wants to take things slow, and so slow it is.” He seemed thoughtful for a moment before adding. “Does it bother you?”

"No." It didn't bother him. Confused him, if anything. He had come into this with certain expectations and those expectations were being dashed. Not that it was exactly a bad thing. He had assumed, wrongly perhaps, that Edea and Ringabel would be as enthusiastic about this as they were everything, but they seemed content to let things stand.

“We’ll do something tonight, then,” Ringabel decided, stirring the pot. “It has been a while, hasn’t it? It’s easy to let time pass when you have a small child.” He sighed.

Were it not for their small child, would things have progressed at all? Alternis wasn’t sure. Annette was the reason that they were together, if he could call this being together, in the first place. Already, tabloids were speculating, as they were wont to do, about why Alternis had moved into Edea’s home, and the truth behind it all, including Annette’s true father. Edea had yet to make a comment to any newspaper, and neither had Alternis or Ringabel. It would remain that way. Still. Many people were commenting on the potentially illicit nature. If he were to move to Eternia, why not move into a house of his own or with the Lees? Why Edea? The truth of it was…

“In the meantime, tonight or not,” Ringabel said, opening up one of the cupboards and pulling Alternis out of his thoughts. “I want you to try this.”

“Ah, sure.” Alternis turned his attention back toward the other man and whatever he wanted, banishing his inner thoughts away.

That night, Edea was already lounging in bed when Alternis came into the room with Annette on his hip, dressed in their pajamas.

“Why don’t you put Annette to sleep in her own bed?” Edea suggested, sitting up and crossing her legs. “We can have some fun tonight.”

Some… fun. Ringabel must have said something to her. He felt his face heat up as he looked down at the girl he held. She had her own bed in her own room, and she usually took naps there. Putting her down for the night there would be new to him, but not that difficult… correct?

He was wrong, as he often was. Annette fussed and whined when he lay the blankets over her, kicking them off and crying. It took longer than he would have liked to finally get her to lay still, and only because she tired herself out with the temper tantrum. In Eternia, it was custom for children to sleep with their parents through the night until they were a bit older than she was, but the room was warm and cozy, and the blankets weren’t overly heavy.

“Goodnight,” he whispered. His heart pounded in his throat as he slowly walked back to the master bedroom. His bedroom? Their bedroom?

Ringabel and Edea were stretched out on the bed, both in their pajamas. Ringabel looked like he was dozing as Edea read from a book. She looked up when he entered.

“It’s about time,” she said, laughing as she put the book aside. “I was worried you might’ve fallen asleep while putting her to bed.” It wouldn’t be the first time he’d done so – he’d accidentally taken naps with Annette before.

His face heated up again, this time for a different reason. “I wouldn’t have!” he hissed, sitting on the edge of the bed. “I can stay awake.”

Edea looked thoughtful. “Is that so?” she asked him. Ringabel was waking up, his eyes blinking blearily as he wrapped an arm around Edea’s waist. “Then show me just how awake you are.”

Embarrassment or arousal, he wasn’t sure what was making him feel hot now. He turned toward her, gingerly placing a hand on her hip, just below Ringabel’s arm. How did… how did any of this work? He’d forgotten. Perhaps he’d never truly known.

“Let’s cuddle for now,” Ringabel suggested, nuzzling into Edea’s shoulder. “Start slow. I believe this is new to all of us… unless I’m missing something, of course.”

Edea’s face was reddening. Ah. So she wasn’t immune to embarrassment in these moments either, Alternis thought with some relief. He’d worried about falling behind.

Cuddling he could do. They’d cuddled before, on and off, for the past couple of months. It was still new to him, but it was also something that he craved, that sort of intimate contact that had his nerves singing with joy. With a low noise, he crossed the bed so that he could lean against Edea, tucking himself against her. She squirmed slightly between them before settling, their limbs slightly tangled around one another. Ringabel gripped her tightly, his hands wandering down to her thighs.

“You both are eager, aren’t you?” she murmured, leaning back into Ringabel’s embrace. “I thought you said to take things slow, Ringabel!”

“It’s been months,” Ringabel complained. “We haven’t had sex either in those months. A man can be impatient, Edea!”

Alternis let them argue, content to simply lean against Edea and enjoy the feeling of her skin against his own, as scant as that was in their pajamas. Edea was wearing a nightgown, and her thighs were bare. He could feel the warmth of her through his own pants, and despite himself, felt heat boiling in his lower stomach.

It had been even longer for him than the other man. The time in Florem didn’t count, he decided then and there. The last time he’d been with anyone where it mattered had been years ago, before Ringabel’s return. Surely Edea remembered that time, though he didn’t feel it appropriate to ask her.

Ringabel was practically tickling Edea now, causing her to giggle and squirm between them, her thighs rubbing against the front of their pants, legs spreading. Alternis couldn’t fight the smile on his face as he joined in, his fingers sliding down her thighs to what he knew were erogenous points of hers, nails scraping lightly against her skin. Ringabel stopped tickling and started kissing Edea’s neck, his mouth wet.

“No fair,” she panted, a moan following her words. “I’m being double-teamed.”

“That’s the trouble with twins,” Ringabel joked, nipping at her throat. “What did you expect?”

“I… I don’t know,” she admitted. Her hands drifted down to hold onto Alternis’s arm, one of her legs hooking around his even as she leaned back into Ringabel’s embrace. “I don’t know what I was expecting.”

It was new to all of them.

First thing, Edea decided, was to disrobe. They were all overdressed for the present atmosphere, and for what they wanted to accomplish, she declared. Alternis agreed. The core of his being was boiling with heat, and his pants, despite the give of the soft cotton, were getting painfully tight. They had to part for each of them to peel their clothing from their form, dropping the articles over the side of the large bed unceremoniously.

Without his clothes, Alternis felt naked. Moreso than he normally did. He found himself drawing up tight, tucking his arms around his knees and waiting for direction.

Ringabel on the other hand, seemed to thrive without clothes on. The other man stretched out on the bed, his back popping as he did so, beckoning Edea with one hand. She shivered in the cold, then dove into his embrace.

“Come here,” she commanded to Alternis. “You must be cold.”

He was cold. His earlier arousal was dying off, replaced with anxiety that churned in his gut in the place of heat. He obeyed her with a low noise, covering her bare side with his form. She felt warm.

“That’s better,” Ringabel grunted, taking the brunt of their weight. “We’re in this together, after all.”

“Whatever this is.” Edea cut in, waving her hand. Then, she wrapped her arm around Alternis’s shoulder, pulling him closer. “It’s not so bad, is it?”

“It’s not,” he replied, burrowing further into her touch. He could get used to this. He would, or die trying. They were giving him an opportunity he had never dreamed of, after all. Years ago this would have been an idle, foolish fantasy. Now it was reality, as tenuous as it felt.

She kissed Ringabel, and Alternis swallowed as he watched. The way that their tongues darted against one another’s, the soft groans they made against each other’s lips… heat once again spiked in his belly, and impatience, too. They had kissed before in the weeks since he had moved in, but all had been chaste and sweet, quick. This was different. This was two people in love, and for a moment he thought that perhaps he didn’t belong here, after all.

Then Edea broke the kiss, turning her head to the side to breath, and while Ringabel’s lips continued down her throat, suckling at her pulse point, then the junction between neck and shoulder, she groaned, and once more urged Alternis closer.

Eagerly, he leaned forward, and tried not to gasp when her soft, warm lips pressed against his own. When was the last time he had kissed anyone in such a way? Not since those lonely nights where he had hidden his identity, he thought.

Thinking about those nights made him feel suddenly sick. Unbidden, panic rose in him, but he pushed it down and focused on kissing Edea, his love.

When the kiss broke, far too quickly for his liking, and yet not quickly enough, Edea cried out. Ringabel had moved down her form and was now playing with one breast, his fingers twisting at a nipple already stiff in the cool air, his mouth against the supple curve.

Alternis decided to join him. She had two breasts, after all, and it wouldn’t do to let one go without attention.

“No fair!” Edea cried as they both descended upon her in unison, a repeat from earlier.

“Ladies first,” Ringabel murmured, his words muffled against the skin of Edea’s breast. He took her nipple into his mouth, suckling at it. Alternis did the same to the other one. Her fingers slid into his hair, tangling into the damp locks and pulling. He didn’t mind. Pulling his hair was the least she could do to hurt him.

While Alternis was content to play with Edea’s breasts, his fingers massaging at the small globe, Ringabel’s fingers slid down her stomach and into the apex of her legs, curling there. Edea crooned, arching up into their touch, and Alternis found himself grinding against her thigh once more as she shivered and shook under them.

Never in his wildest fantasies could he have imagined this. This was raw and pure, nothing but the three of them, tangled together, enjoying each other…

“Ringabel,” Edea groaned, tugging at the other man’s hair as well. Ringabel nipped at the curve of one breast, then lowered himself down to lick at her stomach. Alternis felt his stomach clench at the idea.

“Alternis,” she moaned next, and his stomach clenched for a different reason. No. Alternis? Not just Ringabel, but Alternis? His entire being grew warm, as though he had fallen into molten magma.

Suddenly, he pulled away from her, limbs shaking. Heat boiled in his chest, his head feeling light. Edea and Ringabel stared at him, and he could feel himself wilting under their gaze. Whatever arousal he’d felt was gone.

“I – I’m sorry,” he stammered. He pushed himself back so violently that the sheets slid out from under him, and he would have toppled off the bed had Ringabel not grabbed him. Strong, muscular arms encircled his form, and despite himself, he clung to that grasp. “I can’t – I’m not ready. Not yet.”

She’d said _his_ name. Not Ringabel’s. His. She knew that it was _him._

Months ago, what seemed like another lifetime ago, he would have done anything to hear her cry out his name in such a way. Now, it just seemed… wrong. He’d never been meant to hear those words, he thought. It wasn’t supposed to be for him, no matter how he might want it. This wasn’t _right._ Any moment now, she would say Ringabel’s name again, and he would be unneeded once more, and -

“Shh.”A heated touch to his neck and Alternis found himself jarred out of his spiraling thoughts. Ringabel’s lips and teeth were against his pulse, the touch doing more to ground him than the man’s words. “It’s alright. You’re alright.”

Alternis took a deep shuddering breath. His hands were clenched so tightly onto Ringabel’s arms that his fingers hurt.

“Edea,” Ringabel murmured. “Darling, could you give us a few moments?”

Edea had already started to cover herself up, wrapping one of the blankets around her breasts. Alternis tried to avert his gaze from them as she now climbed out of the bed, reaching for her discarded robe. She tugged it back on, tied it tightly around her waist, and nodded at her husband. “I’ll go check on the baby.”

She left them, and Alternis found himself relaxing, collapsing back into Ringabel’s embrace. The other man’s skin was warm, though not soft, quite unlike Edea’s body that he’d memorized during their illicit nights together so long ago. For Alternis, Ringabel’s was a body he knew better than any other, though not exactly in this way. Ringabel had a bit more weight to him, some softness in places that Alternis had lost to near-starvation, even through his recovery, but the form was still similar enough that he could feel his hammering heart calm.

Ringabel held him for long moments, until Alternis felt _exhausted_ at the sheer relief of his anxiety leaving him. Ringabel was himself. He could be safe with himself, couldn’t he?

The irony of the thought was not lost to him.

“I’m sorry,” Alternis murmured, his eyes slipping shut. Ringabel was rocking imperceptibly, and he could have fallen asleep had he been less tense. His heart still hammered in his throat. “You and Edea are doing so much for me and – “

“That’s enough,” Ringabel replied, voice firm. He squeezed him about the waist. “No need for apologies, Alternis. You can’t help your own feelings. I speak for both Edea and myself when I say that _you_ have nothing to be sorry for.”

Alternis fell quiet, and Ringabel continued.

“We meant it when we said we wanted you to be a part of our relationship. You’re important to both of us. We don’t want you to be alone.”

“You’re important to me too,” Alternis muttered, his face burning hot. It was hard to say the words out loud, but Edea was his entire world, and Ringabel – Ringabel was, by now, perhaps one of his best friends. He’d be _dead_ if it weren’t for the other man, after all. “But I don’t know what to do. I don’t want your pity.” The very idea of their pity made him want to hurt _something_. Himself, as usual.

He could hear the smile in Ringabel’s voice, his hair fluttering as the man let out a breathy laugh. “You think this is pity?”

The sheer smugness in the other man’s voice made him want to punch him. Instead, Alternis squeezed his arm. Already, he was sure that Ringabel would bruise. Served him right. “Then what is it?”

“Would you believe me if I said it was love?”

That seemed impossible. As much as he wanted love, as much as he craved it, fantasized about it in the deepest hours of the night, he’d never been given a chance to have it. Now that they were freely giving it to him, without strings attached, the very notion simply falling into his life? It made him want to laugh.

He cried instead.

Ringabel shushed him again, and Alternis cursed himself in his mind for his foolishness. He was a fool of a Dark Knight. For long months he had been convinced that life wasn’t _fair_ and that he could never be worth the love of people like Edea, and Ringabel. Gannon had tried to make him see sense, but that had been easier said than done, when he’d had to watch back and watch his beloved marry another. Now, she wanted him, and _he_ wanted him, and he – he wanted them too. He wanted to fall into their arms and know what it was like to be loved. His body craved it.

His heart did too.

“I hate you,” he replied, pushing himself up and away from Ringabel. The other man sat up straighter, a smirk on his face. “I hate you!”

He hated how much he wanted to believe the other man’s words, believe in the way that Ringabel smiled at him, the man’s eyes infuriatingly knowing. He raised a hand, then lowered it, then raised it again to lightly tap Ringabel’s shoulder, barely enough to hurt.

Ringabel grunted. “What did I ever do to you?”

“You know what you did,” Alternis replied. Ringabel had ruined his life by sweeping into this world and attracting Edea’s attention. Yet, he had also saved Alternis’s life in his darkest hour, and was now here at his most vulnerable, still reaching out. His eyes swept down to the other man’s bare lap. Yes, Ringabel was very vulnerable right now.

“I really don’t,” said Ringabel. He shifted on the bed. “Do you like what you see?”

“I’ve seen it before.”

“You have, and…” It was Ringabel’s turn to look down at Alternis’s lap, and it took most of his self-control not to cover himself up. “I’ve seen yours. Though last time I did, it wasn’t very pretty.”

Alternis felt his face heat up. Ringabel was referring to the days immediately after his suicide attempt last year, when the doctors and his family had discovered his self-harm. At the time, he hadn’t been so crazy as to harm his dick directly, though he’d had numerous cuts on his upper thighs. Some of them had left scars that still remained. “That--!”

“It’s much better looking now,” Ringabel commented, hand on his chin. “Not that I’m in the business of looking at other men’s penises.”

“Then why…?” Ringabel was straight, Alternis knew. They both were. And yet, here they were, and Edea was not. She was still in the other room with Annette.

“You’re not just any other man. You’re me, and I’m you, and more than anything I want us both to be loved.”

Before Alternis could think on those words, or react, Ringabel had touched his cheek. He looked up into the other man’s eyes, their gazes mirrored in all senses of the word.

Loved? Was he even allowed to _be_ loved? Love wasn’t for people like him, who had stewed so long in anger and hatred that he didn’t know what to do with himself now, openly enjoying physicality with people as _himself_. Where was his self-loathing, his guilt?

It had no place here, in the arms of this man and the woman who cared for him. They had made that clear over the past few months, and though he still struggled to believe it, tonight, he almost could. He took a deep breath, and before he could say something, Ringabel had closed the distance between them.

… the other man’s lips were deceptively soft and tasted like the lip balm that Ringabel used religiously. There was a hint of something else on his breath – spice? Tobacco? But Ringabel didn’t smoke. So where…?

Alternis took in a deep breath, his lips opening so that he could breathe, sucking in air. Ringabel’s mouth was gentle against his own, and yet there was a firmness to his actions as he molded their lips together. 

Ringabel smiled and pulled back just enough to speak, still close enough that their lips ghosted against one another. “I don’t bite.”

“I do,” Alternis replied contritely. He nipped at the other man’s lower lip that was _mocking_ him, only to gasp when Ringabel kissed him again.

And again.

He groaned into the kisses, his mouth falling open further so that he could accept Ringabel’s questing tongue, allowing it to slide past his lips and into his mouth, sweeping across his teeth and into the back of his mouth. Heat bloomed in his lower belly as he sucked at it, thrusting his own tongue against Ringabel’s and into his mouth in turn. This was unlike anything he had ever experienced, and despite the excitement mounting in him, he found himself returning each gesture with languid limbs heavy with contentment. Ringabel’s touch was sure, and gentle, and Alternis was unable to keep himself from crying from the sheer _goodness_ that he felt, tears slipping down his cheeks until the taste of salt masked the taste of the lip balm.

“You’re going to give me a complex,” Ringabel muttered as he pulled away, his lips kiss swollen. “Am I hurting you?”

“No,” Alternis replied. His heart hurt and he was embarrassed, but his body was enjoying each touch. “I… no.”

In response, Ringabel hummed and pressed another kiss to Alternis’s neck, sucking at his pulse point. Alternis shifted on the bed, only to cry out in shock when the other man’s hand wrapped around his half-hard erection, thumb pressing up against the head. “Ah, you’re right.”

“You can’t just believe me at my word?” Alternis groaned, grabbing on to Ringabel’s shoulders to stabilize himself. It was taking all of his self-control not to buck his hips up into that touch. It had been so _long_ since anyone had touched him so intimately…!

“You? No.” Ringabel finished the argument with another kiss, and Alternis was sufficiently distracted. His head began to spin at the confusing events happening to him – gentle kisses and not-so-gentle strokes up the length of his manhood, both fueling different things in his chest. He found himself on his back, cushioned against the many pillows on the bed. His legs spread of their own accord, Ringabel settling down between them. The other man winked. “Just relax. Though, you _will_ tell me if I go too far?” For a moment, he looked worried.

“Yes.” Probably.

Ringabel kissed him again, then trailed his lips down to Alternis’s neck, where he suckled at the jagged scar on his neck until Alternis was made to wonder if the scar tissue could bruise. From there, the other man left a path of hot fire down Alternis’s collarbone, to his chest, where each nipple was sucked and bit until they ached in the frigid air of Eternia’s winter, despite how warm Alternis felt otherwise, becoming swollen pebbles that were a deep red with attention.

Alternis could barely feel the cold. His whole body felt aflame, especially as Ringabel continued to run his tongue down to his belly and the thick patch of hair he kept neatly trimmed for his own vanity. He knew where the other man was heading, what he was planning on doing. The very _idea_ … it was too much for him. He should stop it. But… he didn’t want to. This was a different type of heat than what he had felt earlier.

“Careful with the hair,” Ringabel warned when Alternis fisted a handful of it, guiding the other man eagerly despite himself. “You know better.”

“Shut up,” Alternis muttered. Ringabel was sucking right at the base of Alternis’s erection, and his body was screaming at how intimate the act was. He couldn’t stop the way his hips rolled, even though Ringabel was doing his best to restrain him. He’d had enough injuries by way of bites to fuel his strength.

“Shutting up,” Ringabel laughed, and he did just that. Alternis whimpered as his glans was suddenly engulfed in a liquid heat, the other man not bothering to take care for his teeth. That scrape _hurt_ , it felt _good_ , and Alternis was only able to tolerate a few quick moments of Ringabel sucking down the length of his manhood before it was too much. With a low sob he came, his hips shaking uncontrollably.

Ringabel sputtered and wiped at his face with the blanket.

“Some warning would have been nice!”

“My apologies,” Alternis managed to breathe. It was as though every muscle in his body had once been taut and now snapped apart. He felt absolutely boneless. He hadn’t been prepared to feel so good.

“You’re crying again,” Ringabel said, sitting up on his heels. His own erection jutted out from his lap like a sore thumb, and he took it now into hand.

Alternis _was_ crying again, he realized. He lifted a heavy hand to scrub at his face. “It’s nothing personal.”

“If Ringabel hurt you, you can punch him,” Edea’s voice drifted over to them, and they both looked over as she sat down on the edge of the bed, the robe slipping from her body to fall back down to the floor. “That was stupidly hot, I’ll have you know. I feel left out, Ringabel.”

“Hello again, darling. I’m sorry. Are you upset with me?” Ringabel asked, reaching out for her. Alternis scooted back to give her some room. Seeing Edea again… didn’t hurt. It also didn’t hurt to watch her clamber into her husband’s arms. This was _their_ bed, after all, and he was being invited to join them. He’d already been satisfied, and his eyes were barely able to stay open anyway. He could fall asleep, content.

“With you? No. And not you either, Alternis,” she added hastily. Alternis waved a hand at her as she settled into the other man’s embrace. No offense taken. Instead, a part of him wanted to join them. The other part didn’t want to move.

“I was just trying to get him to relax,” Ringabel told her, his arms wrapping around her waist. She licked her thumb, then reached up to rub at his cheek, as though removing a spot. He turned his head to kiss her thumb in return. “It worked a little too well, I’m afraid.”

Edea giggled. “I could tell. Are you feeling better?” She asked Alternis.

All he wanted to do now was _sleep_ , but they seemed genuinely interested in his feelings, both of them looking him over with kindness in their eyes. His own fluttered with his exhaustion. He’d had a long day, and the anxiety that had been building him in was now drained, taking with it the last of his energy.

“I’m fine,” he managed to murmur. “Thank you. I’m sorry.”

Edea reached over to touch his face, her fingers sliding into his hair. “Oh, Alternis. You don’t have to apologize. We still love you.”

They still loved him? He wished. 

His eyes finally slipped shut, unable to keep themselves open any further, not when he was feeling sleepy and safe. Edea’s hand pulled away, and he listened to the sound of the couple kissing, one eye cracking open with much difficulty after a few moments, just in time to witness the act of Edea slipping down onto her husband’s manhood. Lucky bastard, Alternis thought idly. Old habits.

Then, he closed his eyes again to nap as the other two began to make love, their motions gentle and soft, barely rocking the bed. He wiggled closer, just so that he could feel the warmth emanating from the two. His leg brushed against one of Ringabel’s. He could feel a proxy of Ringabel’s rocking motions up into the woman he held on his lap, his muscles tightening ever so slightly as their hips met. A far cry from the passionate joining he expected from the two, the only sounds he could hear were soft whispers. The meeting of lips. Little groans as they climbed their peak together. Now and then, snippets of words that he could recognize reached his ears, but he couldn’t make heads or tails of the conversation. It only seemed like words of love they were saying to one another, though – his name was mentioned more than once.

I love you too, he thought, before he fell into comfortable darkness.

He woke some time later, when Edea climbed off the bed, clipping his leg in the process. In the darkness of the room, Alternis could only just see her walk across to her bathroom suite. Her skin gleamed with sweat in the light from the window.

Ringabel had been moving to follow her, but he stopped and sat on the edge of the bed as he noticed Alternis stirring. “You were sleeping for a while,” Ringabel told him. “Edea’s going to clean up, then we’re going to sleep ourselves. You’ll still stay, yes?”

There was more than enough room in the bed for all three of them. Hell, they could probably have another partner or two and everyone would still be able to stretch their legs out. Still, Alternis hesitated. Now that he’d napped, his mind felt clearer. Did he really belong? Or should he go into the guest room, exiling himself for the evening? 

“Are you sure I should?”

“Of course we’re sure.” Ringabel was taking tissues from the nightstand to wipe himself down. Gross, Alternis thought, making a face. At least take a shower, you beast. He could hear the sounds of Edea starting the shower herself and wondered why Ringabel _wouldn’t_ want to join his wife.

“If I join Edea, we’re liable to get started again,” Ringabel explained, rolling his eyes. “As fun as that would be…!”

“Wha-“

“You’re easy to read. Fine, since you seem so disgusted by my hygiene. Come on, we’ll go together. Or shall I say, we’ll come together?”

That was _awful_ , but Alternis made no further argument as Ringabel pulled him into the bathroom. The protests died in his throat as he caught sight of Edea in the shower, the water cascading down her form. It sent shivers down his spine.

“Hello, dear!” Ringabel said cheerfully, shoving Alternis forward. “Room for two more?”

Edea gave Ringabel an annoyed look through the soap on her face. “You couldn’t leave me alone for five minutes, could you? Oh, Alternis, _you’re_ here. I suppose if you’re here, it’s fine…”

“Oh, haha.” The other man’s cheer did not seem fazed in the least. “Come on, move over…”

At least all three of them were already naked. They fit nicely, if not a bit snugly, into the tub. Alternis stood awkwardly to the side as Edea finished washing her hair. She had already sudsed up, after all, and now Ringabel was lathering up a washcloth with soap.

“I’ll wash your back,” he suggested to Alternis. “If you wash my mine.”

Washing up was not _all_ that the other blondes had on their mind, Alternis discovered quickly. While Ringabel went to work scrubbing at Alternis’s back, taking care around old scars from his Job, Edea’s arms wrapped around his hips. She pressed herself to him, all soft curves and warm skin. He stared down at her, noting the way that her wet hair clung to her face. Her cheeks were splotchy with either the aftermath of her time with her husband, or the heat of the steam around them.

“I’m sorry,” she said. Her lips were slightly swollen. She and Ringabel had kissed a lot, he recalled. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“It’s fine,” he replied, on instinct. Ringabel squeezed his shoulders, and Edea did not look convinced.

“Is it, though?” she asked him. “You don’t have to push yourself for me – or for Ringabel. Just yourself.”

Push himself… for himself? He wasn’t pushing himself at all! Yes, he had been feeling anxious over their proposal since that day all those weeks ago, but in the moment, things were hardly as bad as he had thought they would be… aside from his minor break down, and all his tears, and the way he’d been unable to stay awake after an orgasm. Perhaps things weren’t fine?

“Can I kiss you?” Edea was asking now. “If that’s okay.”

“It’s okay,” he told her, and his arms wrapped around her waist. Their skin, wet and slick as it was from the water and her bath soap, slid easily together as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him. Ringabel steadied them both, his hands moving from Alternis’s back to his hips.

Edea was a great deal more aggressive a kisser than Ringabel was. Alternis had known this from his past experiences with her, but he was still a little shocked at the fierceness of her lips against his own. He groaned as she sucked on his bottom lip, feeling heat spike in his lower belly. No wonder Ringabel had been hesitant to follow her… she seemed insatiable, judging by the way that she grasped his arms tightly, her bare breasts rubbing against his chest. She let out little whimpers as their tongues joined, warm and wet against one another. This….

This was a comforting feeling. It brought him back to some of the best (some of the worst) days of his life when he’d almost been able to pretend that Edea had loved him. Except now, he realized as she whispered out his name, she did love him, in her own way. Why else would she be kissing him in such a way, while her husband held them both?

Then she slipped on soap when she leaned further in, and their teeth knocked together painfully.

“Ow,” Edea muttered, wiping at her mouth.

“Why don’t you rinse off and we’ll draw a bath?” Ringabel suggested, amusement in his voice. He kissed Alternis’s shoulder, and Alternis found himself leaning back into that touch. “They’re better for you to clean up with anyway, considering.”

Edea made a face. “Just because we’re both on birth control doesn’t mean I like the mess of you finishing in me. We really should use condoms more often.” She turned back to the spray of hot water.

“You’re _both_ on birth control?” Alternis asked, confused. Since when did men have birth control methods? He would have used it years ago! Then again… that would mean his daughter would never have been born.

“Remember that dried root I made you eat earlier?” Ringabel asked, deflecting.

“Yes?” It had been exceedingly bitter and tough, but not terrible. Ringabel had claimed it was some new treat from Florem. Alternis had wondered about his definition of ‘treat’.

“It’s an herb called Droughtwort. It makes a man temporarily sterile, so long as he eats it regularly. I’ve been taking it since I returned. _Someone_ has to be smart.”

Edea was scrubbing at her hair to remove the last of the soap. “Hey! I take birth control, too! It’s just… sometimes I forget a dose or two or… well, that’s how we ended up with Annette, not that I’m complaining.”

He’d _wondered_. Now it all made sense. Alternis had to smile at her. “I’m glad we have her.” She was his everything.

Edea beamed at him from under a curtain of wet blonde hair. “Me too. And I’m glad _you’re_ her father, Alternis. I mean it.”

He wasn’t so sure, sometimes, but the way that she smiled at him almost had him believing her.

As soon as her hair was fully rinsed, the bathtub was plugged and the three of them settled down as hot water filled the porcelain basin. Ringabel sat down first, then Alternis on his lap, then Edea on _his_ lap, and the tub was not like Edea’s bed in the least. It was not designed for three grown adults to stretch out. Alternis found himself with his feet hanging out either side of the tub, leaning most of his weight back against Ringabel.

At least the water was nicely hot. His muscles, always abused, sang with glee at the treat.

Just as he started to relax, Edea straddled his hips. He stared at her. She stared back.

“Just hurry it up so we can sleep,” Ringabel complained. He shifted underneath Alternis, his knees bent awkwardly against the side of the tub. “You know Annette wakes at dawn.”

Edea nuzzled his nose, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“Do you want to be with me?” she asked him.

“What?” She was asking what he wanted? And that was a very vague question.

“Sex, Alternis. I don’t know if you… if you can take it.”

Damnit. He wasn’t an invalid, nor was he fragile. He knew she had his well-being in mind, and that he _had_ had a minor breakdown the last time the two of them had started being intimate, but – but he was nothing if not stubborn.

“Yes,” he replied. “I can take it.”

He’d take it or die trying.

Edea looked skeptical, as though she could read his thoughts. To assuage her fears, he leaned forward and kissed her firmly, his hands sliding around her waist to hold her tightly. Her skin was still warm from the shower, still slick, and she was very soft. Her body was one he knew well, though under wildly different circumstances.

She kissed him in return, her doubt seemingly vanishing at his actions. As bold as ever, she leaned into his touch with a groan, her hands clutching at his shoulders. Her lips were less soft than Ringabel’s, less taken care of, but the kiss was just as gentle. She molded her lips to his, her eyelashes fluttering against his as her tongue poked at his mouth. He had to smile; she had never been one to be gentle, and so it was with a spike of heat in his belly that he let her in.

A hand wrapped around his dick and tugged. Whose, he couldn’t be sure. But between the stroking motions and the way that Edea’s tongue wrapped and sucked and curled against his own, he was at full hardness within what felt like both just a few moments, and eternity. The bath was too hot. His heart was pounding in his ears, in his loins, in his chest.

He broke the kiss and leaned back against Ringabel’s shoulder, panting. “Go on,” he groaned. It was Ringabel’s hand who had been tugging at him, and now he grasped the other man’s wrist to stop him. “Please.”

How long had it been since he’d been with _anyone_ in this capacity? Far too long. The time in Florem didn’t count, not at all, because this was sweet and gentle and loving. His whole body felt like it was on fire, his chest aching as she lowered herself onto him. He gasped. She stopped.

“No!” he cried, then corrected himself. “It’s fine. Keep going.” It was _fine_. She was just far too hot, and far too tight around him. The feeling was bliss, too good for someone like him.

“If you’re…”

“I’m sure,” Alternis insisted. He cradled her hips, almost enough to bruise, and rocked up into her. Something hard brushed his bottom, before settling in the crevasse of his rear. Ringabel… “I’m sure,” he repeated.

She nodded, and leaned into his embrace, rolling down to meet his next upward rock. Soft lips caressed the back of his shoulder, Ringabel’s hands caressing his thighs.

Together, the three of them moved in tandem. Alternis’s heartbeat outpaced their motions, thundering through him and filling him with a heat he’d forgotten he could feel. Everything was warm, and soft, and he couldn’t bear it for very long. Leaning back against Ringabel’s chest, he tilted his head so that he could kiss the other man’s chin, his teeth scraping across his jaw and throat. Edea’s own lips were on his neck, sucking hard enough that he was _sure_ he would bruise. The noises she made were exquisite, just as good as she felt around him.

In what felt like forever, but also far too short a time, he was climaxing again, lightning coursing through him. With a groan, he pressed up against Edea until the lightning had abated, and he was left gasping for breath, his mind lost to pleasure.

When he came back into his body, it was to Edea kissing him again. “That was quick.”

“I’m tired,” he complained, his face heating up. For the second time tonight…!

“You just need practice,” Ringabel suggested from behind him. He still seemed half-hard. “I think we can give you that.”

Edea laughed. “More than enough practice.” She paused. “If you want it, that is.”

 _If_ he wanted it? The sex aside, the two of them had invited them into their marriage and into their arms. The kisses had been more than enough. The sex was just an extra on top of the intimacy that they had shown him, the love they’d willingly given him… he wanted it more than anything.

His chest hurt. “Yes,” he whispered. Was he allowed to want it? Would someone like himself ever be good enough for them? “I want it.”

Edea kissed his cheek, then leaned back to look down her torso. “Good. We want it too. But ugh, now I need to clean myself again…”

“The bath is better for that anyway,” Ringabel reminded her. “Get up – really, get up, the two of you are _heavy_ – and you can finish cleaning up while Alternis and I get ready for bed.”

Edea stayed behind to clean herself up again, while the two men carefully climbed out of the tub. Alternis wondered if he should offer to take care of Ringabel as Ringabel had taken care of his needs earlier, but the other man seemed to ignore his erection, instead scrubbing himself dry with a towel and heading back into the bedroom so that he could rummage through the closet for clean drawers.

Edea emerged from the bathroom within short order, tugged on a nightgown, and joined the two of them in bed. She decided to sleep in the middle, cradled from behind by her husband, while Alternis curled up on his side, facing them. His earlier nap had helped to prevent the same bone-weary exhaustion he’d felt the first time he’d orgasmed, but laying there in the bed… he had a feeling he would sleep well.

He fell asleep before he even realized it, and woke to the sound of a screaming toddler. His heart leapt up into his throat, and he sat up, throwing his legs to the side of the bed. He would have run to his daughter’s side, had Edea not gripped his arm.

“Relax,” she said, a word he barely heard through the painful pounding of his heart. “She’s fine. She just doesn’t like waking up alone, remember. She usually doesn't.”

“I’ll go get her.” Ringabel was already sitting up on the side of the bed, scrubbing at his face as he stood. “Let her cuddle with us a little before we get up for the day.” At Edea’s urging, Alternis lay back on the bed, though all of his nerves were on pins and needles.

What was taking Ringabel so long? What if Annette was hurt? What if someone had tried to kidnap her and Ringabel had had to fight him off but now was wounded and lying there dying and –

“Daddy!” Annette bubbled at him as she was lowered onto the bed between him and Edea. She bounced slightly before falling onto her knees, her hands catching painfully on his shoulder. She threw herself onto her back, limbs askew and somehow hitting both him and Edea in the process. Edea groaned.

“She’s _your_ child,” Ringabel reminded them both as he settled on the other side of Edea, pulling up the blankets over his shoulder. “Especially before sunrise.”

Annette was snuggling into Edea’s arm, gazing adoringly at her mother. Alternis curled up on his side and lay a hand on his daughter’s side. She seemed fine, and seemed to be settling down, falling back asleep now that Edea was cuddling her. She had the right idea, Alternis thought, his eyes slipping shut as well. They’d stayed up late, after all.

All four of them woke for good a few hours later, once Edea’s alarm went off. Annette had sprawled out sometime in those hours, her limbs taking up more space than what seemed possible for a small child. Ringabel had gone back to grasping Edea from behind, his arms wrapped tightly around her. Edea had been snoring, keeping Alternis from little more than a doze. And yet…

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d woken up feeling so happy. There was a warm feeling in his chest even with the rude awakening of the alarm. 

“Time for another day,” Ringabel murmured, stretching as he rolled over to his side.

“Ugh. I’m still tired.” Edea was sitting up as well, rubbing at her eyes. “Whose idea was it to stay up late?”

“I feel perfectly fine,” Alternis told them both, continuing to lounge on the bed, not least because Annette had grabbed his hand to play with his fingers. He was used to pushing himself, to staying up late and waking early. Though his habits weren’t as extreme as they had been in his darkest days, they were still habits. Yes, a part of him felt tired, but the other part was as energetic as ever. His Asterisk would fuel him throughout the day.

“That’s because you’re a monster,” Edea grumbled as she ran her fingers through her hair. "Time for another day, I suppose."

Another day with the three people that he loved the most… Alternis sat up as well, ready for once to face the world. After last night, things would be easy.


	7. because you are here living

Things weren’t always easy.

Relationships took work, especially relationships between three adults. They didn’t fight but they did argue, and often, as spirited as they all were. Alternis found it difficult to participate in the arguments at first, content to let Edea and Ringabel debate on topics from what to eat to the cost of groceries. Most of their arguments revolved around food, which didn’t surprise him in the least.

But as often as the other two argued, it was difficult to disagree with Edea, even now, which is why he kept out of most of the conversations. Most of the time, they understood. Sometimes, however, they forced his hand.

“Alternis agrees with me!” Ringabel insisted to Edea one day. Alternis lifted his head from where he was reading a book, during some of his free rare time. Annette was taking a nap. Ringabel and Edea had been arguing about something or other, and he’d tried to ignore it as best as he could so that they didn’t drag him into the argument. Inwardly, he cursed. Ringabel _knew_ how he felt about arguing with Edea.

“I agree with you on what now?” Alternis asked outwardly, sighing. “I’ve told you before…”

“Ringabel thinks that Annette is too young for sugary cookies before bed-time,” Edea said, chin high in the area. Alternis cringed. Was that what the argument was about? Yes, he did agree with Ringabel on that fact. They had talked about it before, and how Edea… “I think it’s fine in moderation! She can have cocoa and cookies, it’s comfort food.”

He sighed. “Cocoa and cookies?”

“You can’t have one and not the other.”

“You’ll rot her teeth before they’re barely grown in,” Ringabel said to Edea, shaking his head. “Honey, I know you want to experience things with her, but she’s still young.” Barely two and a half, turning three in just a few months time. Where had the years gone?

“She’s not that young, and as long as she brushes her teeth afterwards, there’s no harm to it.”

“She’s too little to seriously brush her teeth!” Ringabel argued. “The tiny amount of toothpaste that we use for her can’t get rid of all that sugar. Alternis, surely you agree with me.”

The thing that Alternis hated more about disagreeing with Edea was when they argued about Annette. He squirmed in his seat. “I think…” Both of the other two adults waited for him to finish his thought, Edea tapping her foot impatiently. “I think just cocoa is fine,” he tried, trying to find a compromise. “Wouldn’t the cookies give her an upset stomach?”

“They never give me an upset stomach,” Edea said, sounding incredulous.

“You’re older,” Alternis reminded her, feeling his own stomach tense slightly. Boundaries, he was allowed to have boundaries, and he was allowed to be a parent to his daughter and look out for her best interests. “How often did you want to have these night-time meals with her, anyway?”

“Every night. It’ll be our thing.”

“How about once-a-week?” Alternis suggested weakly. “A weekly special mother-daughter thing.”

Ringabel made a noise of disgust. Alternis shot him a look. He hated taking sides, but this was Annette they were talking about.

“A week?!”

“How about once a month?” Ringabel suggested instead, cringing. “You’re her mother. You’re always going to have something special with her, regardless of whether or not you consume sugary foods or not.”

“Ringabel…!” Edea started. Alternis, however, had had enough.

“Edea,” he said, trying to make his voice as gentle as possible. He swallowed hard before continuing. “Think about how hard it will be to get her to sleep if she’s got that much sugar in her system. Unless you’re offering to put her to bed every night?” She usually slept with them, of course, still too young to be sleeping by herself, but on the nights when they wanted private time together, it was Alternis who put her to bed. He was not looking forward to try to put down a toddler who was hyped up on sugar due to her mother’s idea of special time together.

Edea grimaced. “Well, no, but…”

“But nothing,” Ringabel interjected. “That’s not fair to Alternis, who has to put her to sleep. Look, you’re making him uncomfortable.”

He was uncomfortable, but not because of _Edea_. It was the argument itself. “Ringabel!”

“Am I making you uncomfortable?” Edea asked him, then. The focus shifted to him, and he found himself shrinking under the attention. Why couldn’t he wear his armor and helmet around the house?!

“It’s fine,” he said, and the other two adults laughed. They laughed. He frowned.

“So it’s not fine,” Ringabel said, a soft smile on his lips. “You can tell us the truth, Alternis.”

“I promise I won’t be offended, even if you two do have bad taste,” Edea said as well, and her arms wrapped around Alternis’s waist. He made a soft noise; touch was common around Ringabel and Edea but he was always pleasantly surprised when it happened regardless. Before he could say anything, another pair of arms wrapped around his shoulders and he felt something solid against his back. Ringabel.

There, trapped between two people, he found himself leaning back into the other man. “Ringabel’s right,” he finally said. “You’ll always have a special bond with Annette, regardless of whether or not the two of you consume sugary drinks and food. It’ll affect all of our sleep schedules if you’ve gotten her riled up before bed.”

Edea groaned. “You two are ganging up on me.”

“That’s what happens when you’re sleeping with two of the same man,” Ringabel teased her. He kissed Alternis’s shoulder. Alternis shuddered. He still wasn’t used to these open displays of affection, not from this man, nor this woman or… anyone.

Another thing he wasn’t used to was sex.

It was embarrassing to admit, but after the second panic attack he had during the middle of their nighttime activities several weeks after the first, both Ringabel and Edea encouraged him to seek help by speaking to his therapist. Even if Dr. Gannon couldn’t help him with this, perhaps he knew someone who could. To his great relief, Dr. Gannon was certified in Sexology, whatever that meant.

“I just panic when I hear my name,” Alternis admitted to him one day during a session. “It gets my heart racing and I feel like I’ll be sick, which isn’t fair to either of them. I don’t want to use Ringabel’s name, not now.”

“I think you experienced trauma during that period you were masquerading as Ringabel,” Dr. Gannon mused, thinking to himself. “Do you think that might explain why you panic when faced with your real identity during sex?”

Alternis squirmed in his seat. Despite the fact that Gannon knew almost everything about him, including some things that Edea and Ringabel had yet to learn, it was still embarrassing to talk about some subjects. “It… it’s possible,” he admitted. It made sense. He’d gone so long having sex as Ringabel that hearing his own name during the act made him feel uneasy. It was as if it just wasn’t _right_ , as though he wasn’t supposed to be Alternis, he was meant to be Ringabel if he was sleeping with Edea. Even if that was no longer the case, his body still reacted in the same way.

“I want to prescribe you some medication,” Gannon said. “Nothing too major, just something that might help you relax. And in the meantime, you have some homework as well.”

His homework would be to open up to his lovers about his trauma, and ease himself into any relations. It meant taking things slow and possibly not participating in sex until he could get his panic attacks under control.

“We don’t mind,” Ringabel said to him when Alternis told them about his ‘homework’. “Whatever makes you comfortable.”

The problem was that Alternis didn’t _know_ what made him comfortable. After years of subservience to the Lee family, then to Edea specifically, he had difficulty piecing out what his true desires were. Edea wanted him to get better so that he could be in a relationship with them, so that was what he must do, yes?

“Well… no,” Edea told him when he voiced this to her one night as the four of them got ready for bed. “You don’t have to do anything just because you think I want it. What’s more important is what _you_ want.”

What he wanted? Sometimes it was hard to fathom such a concept. Other times, he knew exactly what he wanted and could scream it from the rooftops, had he the inclination. “I…”

“Let’s just take things slow,” she suggested. “Really. The last thing we want to do is traumatize you.”

So they went slow. They still slept in the same bed every night, cuddling together for warmth and for affection, especially as Annette began to spend more time in her “big girl bed” than with them at night, though she came wandering into their room in the early morning hours.

Every morning, no matter where she slept, Alternis was woken by tiny little hands tugging at the blanket, well before dawn. No matter how tired he was, he always opened his arms up to his daughter, letting her rest in his embrace until their alarms went off for them to get ready for work.

“She likes you better than me,” Edea complained to him one day, slouching over his side and running her hands over Annette’s hair. The little girl smiled in her sleep and rolled over to snuggle her face into Alternis’s chest. He kissed the top of her head.

“She doesn’t. I’m only easier to access, that’s all.” Edea slept in the middle of the bed between the two men, after all. 

“That’s not an excuse,” she pouted. Then, she sat up. “Alright, let’s get going.”

Edea and Alternis took turns getting Annette ready for the day, getting her dressed and brushing her hair. Ringabel would be with her for the rest of the day, after all, and besides, he took so long preening in the bathroom in the morning that they’d never get anywhere if they waited for him to be finished to get Annette ready. 

Life was about cohabitation, and he liked it that way. Now that he knew what to expect from the other two, he wasn’t on edge as much anymore. Even on those nights when they put Annette to sleep in her big girl bed and they had the room all to themselves…

“How do we do this?” Edea would ask each time, sitting crosslegged on the mattress. “Do you want to just watch?”

He would make a face. The idea of just watching wasn’t something he was fond of. There was still a jealous part of him, deep down, that hated just watching and not being able to participate. That was why he was here, wasn’t it?

“You’re here because we want you here,” Ringabel would say if he voiced that opinion. “Regardless of whether or not you _can_ participate. We’ll take things slow.”

Taking things slow meant lots of foreplay. Foreplay he could do. Foreplay, he enjoyed, both giving and receiving. It made him feel warm and welcome, and above all, aroused. Though he might feel a rush of panic at the sound of his name, foreplay was not something that he and Edea had done lots of during his time as ‘Ringabel’, so it was a more neutral activity, compared to penetration.

No, when it came to penetration he was mostly content to sit back and watch, though occasionally jealousy stabbed at his gut. This was the woman he loved, and watching her have sex with another man, even a man who was identical to himself, was not always pleasant, even if it was a turn-on other times.

Slowly but surely his panic began to die down during their nighttime activities. The medication that Dr. Gannon prescribed him seem to help with the anxiety, as did the small exposure here and there to sex. Eventually, he started joining in more, enjoying himself more, losing himself more to the feelings and emotions that came with his partners.

One night, the three of them lay entangled with one another, a thin sheen of sweat over their features. Alternis snuggled Edea from behind, while Ringabel held her as well. It was very warm in the room, not least because their blood had just been pumping. 

“You didn’t panic once,” Edea murmured to Alternis, yawning. “I was watching you.”

He paused.

He’d had sex with Edea that night, one of a few times he’d been able to stomach sleeping with her without having a full blown panic attack. He’d been too aroused and too wound up to panic, he thought, but it wasn’t a bad thing, was it?

“You’re right.”

“Are you healed?” she asked.

“It’s not that easy,” Ringabel told her, stifling a yawn of his own. “One night of no panic doesn’t mean he’s healed. It’s just a good step to healing more. Besides…”

“It’s not as easy as casting a Cura and expecting the wound to close,” Alternis murmured. It was something that Gannon said to him often. “It’ll always be there in some capacity. It’s just how I deal with it that matters.”

She squirmed between them before rolling over to face him completely, touching his shoulder. “Alternis… I’m sorry.”

They’d talked about it before, at length. Edea felt terrible that he had trauma from sex, especially since she’d been his only sexual partner before now. She felt it was her fault. In a way, it was, though it was also his own fault for pushing his identity issue so far. As he had before, Alternis squeezed her gently. “No need to apologize. It’s all right.” There was a need, but she’d apologized before. He’d long accepted the apology. It wasn’t as though either of them could have fathomed things would have ended up the way they had. 

“Still…”

What was done was done. Alternis squeezed her again, then kissed her nose. “It’s all right,” he said more firmly. He didn’t want her beating herself up over it, not when he was getting better. Not when he was enjoying himself around her, for the most part, even if he was awkward sometimes.

He didn’t think he’d get over the awkwardness. Now that he didn’t have a part to play, could just be himself, he felt nothing _but_ awkward. In a way, it had been much easier to pretend to be Ringabel, who was confident and unafraid of how he was perceived. Alternis, on the other hand, had spent so much time hiding behind his helmet and his duties that he still felt uncomfortable showing his face, even just among his family.

Still, the slow exposure to sexual activity was helping.

Eventually, they discovered something else that helped; the environment in which he was during sex. More specifically, he and Edea discovered that when they had sex in the office one day.

“We shouldn’t have done that,” he muttered afterward, peeling himself away from her. They’d scattered papers everywhere, and the desk she’d been sitting on was entirely askew. If anyone were to walk in right now, they’d know instantly what had taken place. Edea’s reputation would be one of an adulterer, and Alternis would never live down the shame.

“You didn’t panic!” Edea said, not caring that her clothes were in total disarray. She grabbed his hand, preventing him from zipping his trousers back up.

“I ….” He hadn’t panicked, not when Edea had kissed him out of the blue, nor when hormones had gotten the better of the both of them. He had sexual needs too, after all, and they presented themselves at odd times. “I didn’t.”

“Maybe you’re better cured than you think?” she asked.

He shrugged off her hand so that he could at least make himself look presentable again, giving her a look to tell her to do the same. “I… we’ll see.” At the very least, he was too preoccupied with cleaning things up to worry about panicking or freezing up. “Get dressed.”

She shot him a look in return, but to his relief, started to fix her clothing, pulling her panties up from where they had hung about her thighs. “We should do this more often.”

“We should not. Look at all the paper on the ground.” And much of it was crinkled. He’d just gotten everything good and organized, and now he was going to have spend time doing it all over again. Edea… Edea could be a force of nature all on her own, a veritable hurricane that had ripped through the room.

“That’s the least of my worries,” Edea said, and she reached out to cup his chin. He didn’t dare shrug her away now, even if he wished she’d fix her hair before someone walked in. “Are you feeling alright? Be honest with me. Did that hurt you at all?”

So she was worried about his mental state, as she and Ringabel often were. He shook his head the best he could, considering her touch. “Everything is fine, Edea.”

She looked as though she didn’t quite believe him, judging by the slant of her lips. “If you’re sure…”

“I’m quite positive,” he replied. “I am breathing easy. My heart doesn’t hurt. I’m fine.”

She pulled her hand away and ran it through her hair to comb it. “Good. That’s all I ask.”

That wasn’t entirely true, and they both knew it. Edea could ask the world of him and he would gladly give it all. She could ask him to rip himself asunder and he would do it, even if he knew he shouldn’t. It was one of the behaviors that Gannon was trying to resolve with him, but perhaps a behavior he would carry for the rest of his life, boundaries be damned.

Things weren’t easy, but they were getting better every day.

“Daddy,” Annette whispered to him one morning. He opened up on bleary eye to see her, laying between him and Edea, her hands tugging at his crossed arms. It was still dark outside.

“Come here,” he whispered back, hoping that he didn’t wake Edea or Ringabel, who were likely still sleeping, and opening up his arms so that she could roll into them. Which she did with a smile on her face, scooting over and burrowing herself against his chest and stomach. He kissed the top of her head and wrapped her up tightly, giving her a gentle squeeze.

She giggled.

“Shhh. Go back to sleep.” Heaven knew if he’d be able to go back to sleep now. Once he woke, it was hard for him to slip back into slumber, no matter how light. At the very least, he wanted her to go back to sleep. A tired Annette would cause trouble for Ringabel during the day. She’d be grumpy and full of tantrums.

Annette quieted. Sleeping, he didn’t know. But he lay there in bed, with his eyes closed, willing himself to fall back into dreams himself. They’d been pleasant, filled with light and warmth, far removed from his memories of his childhood or even of most of his days in Eternia. ‘Warm’ was not an adjective that could be used to describe the region.

Lately, he’d been dreaming of life with his partners. Domestic life, quiet life. The dreams were mundane, but he welcomed that. Before the partnership, and even during the early days of it, he’d dreamt of coldness and fear, of Annette in the same position as he had been as a child, of falling from a great height, a piercing light all around him…

The alarm went off.

Groaning to himself, he rubbed at his face with the hand that was not wrapped around Annette’s form. “Good morning,” he muttered to no one in particular.

“Morning!” Edea called, sitting up. Ringabel grumbled.

“Morning, Mommy,” Annette said, rolling out of Alternis’s arms. “Morning, Daddy.”

“What about me?” Ringabel asked, pouting.

“Morning, Papa,” she said dutifully. As of late she’d been calling him Papa, which was good. No one wanted her calling him by his first name when they were out together, or around other people. Besides, he was Papa, being married to her mother and father-on-paper.

“That’s better.”

“You’re so cute,” Edea told him, patting the top of his head. “You know she loves you just as much as she loves us!”

They all took care of it, though in the morning it was Edea and Alternis who focused on her while Ringabel preened in the bathroom; if they waited for him to be ready in order for Annette to get ready, they’d never get anywhere.

Alternis would usher her into her room where her clothes were and help her pick out the outfit for the day, dressing her while Edea got dressed. Then Edea took over and brushed Annette’s hair, tying it up with a bow just the same as her own, so that Alternis could get ready for the day.

Then the two of them left for work, leaving Ringabel and Annette waving at the door. “Bye Mommy, bye Daddy!”

“Don’t call me that,” Alternis whispered to Ringabel, leaning over to get a kiss from the other man. It was still early enough that no one would notice, and it made him smile anyway.

Edea took her time getting her morning kiss. “Keep calling him that, Ringabel. It’s funny.”

It wasn’t very funny, but Alternis knew he wouldn’t win this argument. Making a face at the other two, and leaning in to give Annette a kiss on the head, he let the issue drop for now.

After all, it hardly mattered in the grand scheme of things.

Life was peaceful.


End file.
